Dear Harriette: My boyfriend plays basketball for his college team and he’s really good. This season is important to him because he thinks he may get a chance to go pro. He told me that he’s been praying to win so that he can be up for this opportunity. He comes from a poor family, and this going pro would change his whole life. As happy as I am for him, this makes me upset. I don’t think people should pray for selfish things like that. I was taught that you should pray for more meaningful pursuits. How can I address this with him?
— Penny, Denver
Penny: People pray for the things that are most important to them. The center of your boyfriend’s world right now is his future as a basketball player, so it’s only natural that this is what he would pray for. Rather than chastising him for his prayers, why not share with him what you have learned about that spiritual practice as well as what you currently pray for? (As you articulate your prayers, you may find that they aren’t as lofty or concrete as you once believed.) You can encourage him to contemplate why he wants to go pro and what it will mean for his life. In your discussions, he may begin to consider expanding his prayers to include his plan to become self-sufficient and help provide for his family.
The bottom line is that your boyfriend does pray. That he has faith is a great thing. Don’t dampen his spirits by trying to control or manage how he practices his spirituality.
Dear Harriette: I always feel awkward when I go to parties where there are a lot of people and I have to mingle. Same goes for when I invite people to my home. For the first hour or so, when people are meeting, it’s awkward to figure out what to talk about. How do you introduce people properly? Is there something I can say that will make it easier for the people standing there to have a conversation?
— Penelope, Boston
Penelope: What makes you interested in people? That’s what you want to bring out when you introduce them to others. Yes, you state the person’s proper name and title, when appropriate. Even more important is some detail about the person’s life that will be compelling to the other person.
When you are hosting a party and you are considering your guest list, remember your guests’ hobbies, careers, family dynamics and more. Plan your event by carefully selecting guests who may enjoy each other’s company. When they arrive, travel among them, introducing them to each other by highlighting aspects of their personality or lifestyle that will be appealing to the other person.
When you are at an event, have the intention of learning something interesting about the people you meet as you share details about yourself that fit the moment. Trust your intuition as well as your understanding of the nature of the event you are attending.
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