“It was like a popcorn popper,” said an Ohio man after his wife gave birth to six kids in 60 seconds. Q asked readers for their own cute but corny ways to describe life milestones (extra points for embarrassing loved ones). These answers popped up:
First place (hot-air popcorn popper):
We don’t call it Thanksgiving anymore. In anticipation of the arrival of assorted elderly aunts, uncles, and Mom and Dad, we call it the Coming of Age.
As a 5-year-old, excitedly planting my first radish, carrot and lettuce seeds in a small plot of dirt all my own: the Dead Zone.
My brother’s first freshman mixer: Open Fly for the Little Guy.
–Diane Carlin, Green Bay, Wis.
Second place (microwave popcorn):
It’s meno C-R-A-S-H, not menopause, when you have a hysterectomy. There just ain’t any pause to it. It’s like being the crash test vehicle that hits the wall at 45 m.p.h.
–Mary Angert, New Berlin, Wis.
Third place (microwave popcorn):
What better way to celebrate life milestones than with a card from Hallmark? They have just launched a new line of greeting cards to celebrate the bris ceremony and baptism. Look for the new Snip and Dip series at a Hallmark store near you.
–Patty Neuswanger, Arlington Heights
More cute ways to describe life’s big moments:
During the potty training years, my son proudly ran into the room and said, “I did it. I did it. There’s Lincoln logs in the potty.”
–Mary Beth Crosser, Monee
This actually happened; it was something that one relative said to another at a family gathering, where they hadn’t seen each other in about a year. The one relative had gained a lot of weight since their last encounter. The relative’s greeting to her was:
“Gee, Brenda, I haven’t seen you in about 50 pounds.”
–Karen Harris, Des Plaines
Woman giving birth quickly: “She spit that thang out like a watermelon seed.”
–Mathew Mandeltort, Green Oaks
The overly exuberant birthday celebrant blew out the birthday candles like the wind of a hundred Chicago politicians. (Say, is that frosting on the wall?)
–Paula Matzek, Mt. Prospect
I remember the passionate way my boyfriend kissed me when he was leaving Aurora University for the summer to spend time at home. I melted like a pat of butter on a freshly boiled ear of corn.
Now we’re married, and I’m grinning from ear to ear.
–Pam Phelps, Montgomery
– Being potty trained: “Plop, plop, whiz, whiz, my kid knows the relief a can can give.”
– First swear word: “It’s not that bad, what I said, it truly didn’t matter, but now I know, if said again, it’s going to involve some lather.”
– First wrinkle: “Now here’s a line. Who is this character, and what is he doing on your face?”
–Marge Podrazik, Chicago
For the anniversary of the first time my ex-husband and I made love: Faster than a speeding bullet.
–Gloria Kaplan Sulkin, Chicago
When my son got his driver’s license, I told everyone my teen was like a horror film director only it’s not the audience, but the pedestrians, who are scared out of their wits.
–Laura Zell-Kaczmarek, Oak Lawn
