A long time ago on a Main Street far, far away, the hardware store was a local mom-and-pop outfit or, if a franchise, at best an Ace. The owner was an old man who looked like he had just finished a Mr. Rogers “making-of” spot.
And the salesman was a, well, sales man.
The nuts-and-bolts of the store were hard-to-read, Sharpie-penned labels on bins of nuts and bolts. Sawdust covered the floor, and a mysterious aroma reminded customers that WD-40 should never be used as a deodorizer.
Today, Main Street consists of currency exchanges and Check-N-Gos. Mom and Pop live in Florida, and the fix-it folks flock to the boffo boxes of build-anythingitis Menard’s and Home Depot.
Home Depot’s stark warehouse shelving strikes awe in the hammerless with a “Wow, That’s an Awful Lot of Doors” grandeur. Menard’s made its mark with incessant commercials that unleashed a silver-haired employee, seemingly being assaulted from behind by power tools while barking out bargains.
But the most striking difference between these behemoths and Ye Olde Fix-It Shoppe lies in the salesmen. Or should we say saleswomen? Yes, they broke down the old boys’ club of “This will be an excellent first jigsaw for your son” that permeated the hardware industry.
The saucy Snap-on Tools calendar is dead. Instead of serving as objectified pin-up girls, women are proving they know their way around a circular saw, and they can even give a guy some pointers.
Credit may have to go partially to Tim Allen’s “Tool-Time” hostess. It’s almost as if the uber-comic book fantasy of the bullet-spewing bombshell has softened into the more politically correct (and attainable) Safety-Goggle Sally.
Watch any of the redo-your-inlaws’-house-with-the-help-of-Sammy-Hagar reality shows to see beautiful women dragging drywall.
Men young and old know that, sure, the beach might be a place to go people watching if you’re a flesh freak, but guys looking for more know life is better in hardware.
The fetish of the hard-working Hannahs goes back at least as far as the Greek goddess Athena, so I don’t think it is going anywhere. If your dream is to marry a handy girl, expect it to be labor-intensive.
You won’t be able to stall a wife or girlfriend on a home improvement when she can just go and do the danged thing herself.
