Scheduling a midlife crisis isn’t so easy anymore.
Once thought to be the nearly exclusive purview of men, the midlife crisis has accelerated and expanded. It’s not just 40- to 50-year-old men who are looking around and second-guessing their choices–it’s now women, too, young women whose seemingly limitless options have caused early-onset midlife crises of a slightly different kind.
“Midlife Crisis at 30: How the Stakes Have Changed for a New Generation–and What To Do About It” is a new book by journalists Lia Macko and Kerry Rubin. The authors, who met at CNN while covering the aftermath of the events of Sept. 11, found themselves evaluating their lives through the filter of the tragedy’s shroud.
From the outside, they appeared to be at the top of their game: Macko had been featured in Working Women magazine’s “20 Under 30: The Ones To Watch” issue; Rubin had just married a wonderful man.
But things just weren’t quite right. The elusive balance between personal fulfillment and professional success was just that–elusive. And more to the point, Macko and Rubin found they weren’t alone.
Women in their 20s and early 30s–Generation X/Y–had bought into the idea of career stability and financial security first, personal life second, resulting in a crunch that arrived around age 30, when biological clocks were booming and personal lives were in need of a little TLC.
“Midlife Crisis” offers real-life anecdotes from well-known women such as Susan Sarandon, Mary Matalin, Suze Orman and Geraldine Ferraro. There’s a wide variety of experiences that serve to offer young women perspective.
What’s illuminating is that in many of the cited cases, it is the woman’s challenge to handle. Alone.
Suzanne Vega wanted a baby, had a baby, then married the baby’s father, who–though nice enough–believed dinner should be on the table at six. Matalin’s husband, James Carville, left it to her to figure out how to balance her various jobs.
Her nugget of wisdom: Get beyond the guilt you feel when things don’t go as planned. Easier said than done.
In Sarandon’s case, she points to her time on the set of “The Witches of Eastwick.” Her original part was given to Cher, and she was handed a much smaller role. Quitting wasn’t an option. When she saw her disappointment reflected in the face of her daughter, she decided to take control and play her tiny bit with as much gusto as possible. It paid off.
If you can’t have it all, Macko and Rubin advise, just try to be clear that the things you have are the things you want and that the things you want can be maintained.
Thirtysomethings
“Midlife Crisis” shows that many women, by age 30, were on paths to places they weren’t sure they wanted to go. Their careers and financial security were set, but their personal lives came second. The statistics back this up.
– Today, the average college-educated bride is 28. In the 1960s, she was 22.
– In 1970, most college-educated women had their first baby before they turned 30. Today, the majority of female college graduates have their first child after age 30.
– Over the last 30 years, the number of single women ages 30 to 34 has tripled.
– More women start therapy at 30 than at any other times in their lives.
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Edited by Cara DiPasquale (cdipasquale@tribune.com) and Kris Karnopp (kkarnopp@tribune.com)
