Ozzie Guillen has a pain in his back and side, and the cause could be kidney stones. Dusty Baker has a pain in his backside, and the cause is Kyle Farnsworth.
Just checked out the Cubs’ remaining schedule, and it looks easier than Tara Reid after happy hour. If that doesn’t scare you–the schedule, not Tara–it should.
Joe Crede is just Kevin Orie recycled.
A team of journalists was reportedly dispatched to Athens when it appeared that fans were in danger of outnumbering the media assigned to cover the events. OK, that’s not really true. And yes, maybe I’m a little miffed that my request for credentials was denied.
Just to clarify, the Nagano thing with the fire extinguishers was just a joke. Geez.
For the first time since 1904, the U.S. has won a gold medal in fencing. Nothing feels better than finally getting rid of 100 years of pent-up fencing frustration. That, and getting those crusty brown things removed from your eyes.
My broker says Krispy Kreme stock is tanking. Hard to figure. I mean, have you seen Kirstie Alley lately?
Or Eddy Curry, for that matter?
The NHL owners and the players union met again but failed to make progress on a labor agreement. The meeting took place near Newark Airport. Wow, nice call there. What, was Dubuque booked? No wonder hockey is doomed.
Thanks to a “Star Trek” convention, the New York Jets were unable to find hotel rooms in downtown Indianapolis for their exhibition game against the Colts on Saturday. Their travel agent was apparently preoccupied making arrangements for the NHL.
Mayor Daley, the check for my license is in the mail. Honest.
And there’s a permit for the dog house expansion. But don’t look in the basement.
When asked about a possible comeback to pro football, Deion Sanders replied, “Never say never.”
Allow me, Deion. Never.
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redeyesports@tribune.com, Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
