So your Fighting Illini footballers made ESPN’s “Bottom 10” as the seventh-worst college football team. It’s so bad I tell people I’m from Iowa. I know, I know. Desperate times …
True story: A bear raided a Washington campground and drank 36 cans of beer. Park rangers found him passed out. Pace yourself, fur ball. It’s a long NFL season.
It was Rainer, not Labbatt’s or Hamm’s. So much for those myths.
Rex Tucker’s dislocated elbow is his third knockout injury. Someone get Rex a Rainer. He’s earned it.
Tucker’s injury has coaches moving linemen now. This is not a “Super Bowl Shuffle.”
I am convinced the Cubs keep Kyle Farnsworth on the roster just to impress the chicks.
Sorry, “female Cubs fans.” Bad dog.
One of many female Cubs fans squeezed by me Tuesday to get a better camera angle of Farnsy in the bullpen. He was standing still. In other words, he wasn’t walking.
That same fan screamed, “Farnsy!” Then she said to no one in particular, “He looked up at me!” Frightening, just frightening.
And no photo of me? Guess she sees talking dogs every day.
So Steve Bartman doesn’t get to ride in the World Series parade this year. Bummer.
Dear Ozzie Guillen: I feel your pain.
Wait, he had kidney stones too?
Office pool announcement: When does the U.S. softball team lose its next game? My call: 2012.
I owe the U.S. men’s ballers an apology. They beat Greece. Next up: the Aussies.
Final score: Australia 67, U.S. 59.
The list
My 5 Wrigley Field options:
– Sell the naming rights to Duct Tape.
– Tear it down, rebuild it, charge double.
– Make fans bring their own spackle.
– Two words: Condo conversion.
– Put it on a barge, open a casino in the bleachers.
———-
redeyesports@tribune.com, Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
