Poor Mario Starides, tour guide at ancient Olympia.
Under duress from NBC reporter Jimmy Roberts, he had to modify his official history to say on camera that this ancient, sacred place was the cradle of the literary talents of Euripides, Sophocles, Shakespeare and Bob Costas.
If there’s a professional association of Greek tour guides, participating in such a charade should be enough to get you kicked out for life.
In the lack-of-dignity stakes, Mr. Starides, that one is right up there with former Olympic gymnast Dominique Dawes, star of an oft-broadcast Chili’s Olympic commercial wherein the athlete’s gyrations on the beam are deftly interspersed with shots of the gyrations of a piece of chicken on a grill. Incredibly, the two are made to look exactly the same.
Hopefully, the family of Carly Patterson is watching so it can suggest that she not now or ever participate in something that reduces her art to the death pangs of a piece of meat. Even Ice Capades would be preferable.
NBC took plenty of time to focus on Olympia, the spiritual home of the Olympics and a ruin that had not seen competition in 1,600 years.
Actually, NBC broadcast an ever-changing array of figures in relation to Olympia–2,000 years ago, 2,700 years ago. Whatever. It’s old.
And if we were in any doubt that this venue still was being treated by the Greeks as special and holy, NBC had a special way of making us understand.
“There are no concessions,” said Roberts, his voice breaking with the emotion of that revelation.
He was on a roll.
“This is an authentic Olympic experience,” he said, thus implying that all else in Athens had been inauthentic.
Then Roberts got himself all tangled up in metaphors that kept linking the terms “historic” and “groundbreaking,” two words that are opposite in meaning.
“The first time I was here,” he said of Olympia, “the hairs on the back of my neck literally stood up.”
Literally? Come on. Was he seeing ghosts?
Given the depth of Roberts’ emotions, the actual shot put competition, the whole reason to be at Olympia in the first place, had to be dispensed with in a matter of minutes.
Sure, there was time in the afternoon to hear Irina Korzhanenko’s truly blood-curdling scream, which would awaken any ghost, naked or otherwise. But there were no American women involved, so NBC didn’t hang out long.
Later on, during prime time, there was a sweet little video portrayal of shot putter Adam Nelson, who announced that he gets so fired up before he goes out to throw he is “ready to kill people.” How apt for ancient Olympia. But that image was shot a few minutes later when we saw Nelson behaving like a blubbering baby when a foul was called on one of his throws–correctly.
“No, no, no, no,” the huge fellow gurgled in what Arnold Schwarzenegger would call the actions of a girlie man. It sure made nonsense of NBC’s attempts to brand him as Conan the Barbarian.
In fairness, Nelson recovered to give a gracious interview praising the eventual winner, Yuriy Bilonog of Ukraine. And he did a lot better than John Godina, who was eliminated early.
But by now we knew the real truth about ancient Olympia. It’s a historic place where even a shot putter can cry.
“The Oracle tells me,” said Costas, quickly changing the prime-time scene, “we’re going to whitewater rafting next.”
Thank Zeus.
