Ah, the changing of the leaves . . . the nameless gloom that’s settled into the faces of children everywhere . . . Yep, it’s back-to-school time, all right. But instead of merely mocking those maudlin students among us, why not try something different this year, like taking a few classes yourself? Forget those boring pre-requisites of your past–we’ve found some quirky options that will get your cranium tingling in no time.
Didgeridoo lessons
What’s that you say? You’ve always wanted to learn the delicate art of the Australian Aboriginal didgeridoo? Then Robert Coleman’s your man–for 12 years he’s taught the musical and therapeutic benefits of the world’s oldest wind instrument. Plus, check out the Old Town School of Folk Music’s extensive list of other music classes. 1:30-4:20 p.m. Sept. 9. $40. 4544 N. Lincoln Ave. 773-728-6000.
Photograph & Explore Chicago’s Neighborhoods
This unique course gives you the opportunity to photograph the city’s immigrant history in every location from Andersonville to Chinatown. You supply the camera, and Chicago will supply the scenery. Deal? The first class meets at University of Chicago’s Gleacher Center (450 North Cityfront Plaza Drive), and the rest are held at neighborhood museums and galleries. 1:30-4 p.m. Saturdays, Oct. 2-Nov. 20. $315. 773-702-1727.
Brew your own beer
If you’re still convinced that Nestle Quik is the missing ingredient to the world’s best beer, it’s time to put that theory to the test. Bev Art Brewer & Winemaker Supply offers instructional classes on how to make your own beer. Classes run on various Saturday and Wednesday evenings (next one happens 3-5 p.m. Saturday), or get four couples and schedule a private lesson. And if you really dig it, invest some big bucks in the ultimate brewing class at Siebel Institute of Brewing. Become a WBA (World Brewing Academy) Associate in Brewing Technology with a six-week course (next one starts Sept. 13). Bev Art: $75 plus $40-$55 for materials. 10033 S. Western Ave, 773-233-7579; Siebel Institute: WBA Associate degree: $7,700. 1777 N. Clybourn Ave. 312-255-0705.
Screenwriting Fundamentals
Get that brilliant space-werewolf comedy down on paper with this affordable, seven-week, nuts-and-bolts class run by screenwriter Dan Conway. Then learn how to market and sell it. Hollywood attitude optional. 7-9:30 p.m. Oct. 4-Nov. 15. $230. Chicago Dramatists, 1105 W. Chicago Ave. 312-633-0630.
Bondage and Domination
Nothing ruins an enchanting night of whips and chains like an impromptu visit to the ER. Humiliate one another the safe, enjoyable way: Sign up for the Discovery Center’s Bondage & Domination–an Introduction class. Hands-on instructor “Mistress Jade” teaches students how and where to meet other S&M enthusiasts, proper spanking techniques, restraint-tying and role-playing (like doctor/patient, teacher/student and–eww–adult/baby). 6-9 p.m. Sept. 14. $39, plus $20 for materials. 2940 N. Lincoln Ave. 773-348-8120.
Piloga
Pilates fans and yoga fans no longer need to engage in “West Side Story”-style rumbles. The hybrid Piloga combines the best from both camps: strengthening muscles, increasing your energy and calming your mind. Try the 9 a.m. Saturday class at Frog Temple. $15. 2368 North Elston Ave. 773-489-0890.
Tequila class
If all you know about tequila is “lick it, slam it, suck it,” plus the vague recollection of it burning a hole in your gut, you need to take Adobo Grill’s tequila appreciation class. Each month, sommelier Juan Guzman teaches willing pupils how to mix up aromatic cocktails and sip (not slam) three different types of tequila: blanco, reposado and anejo (aged tequila similar to a fine cognac). Foods from different regions of Mexico are served to complement the choices. Next chance to drink and dine: Thursday. $50. Adobo Grill, 1610 N. Wells St. 773-266-7999.
Herbal Aphrodisiacs
Herbs aren’t just for pasta sauce anymore. Put some spice into your romantic life with Soulistic Sanctuary’s primer on producing your own herbal aphrodisiacs. Yes, you get to take some home, horndog. 1-3 p.m. Oct. 3. $20. Garfield Park Conservatory, 300 N. Central Park Ave. 312-746-5100.
Master a language
No matter what you do for a living, imagine the benefits of knowing a second language–not to mention how cool you’ll sound when ordering international dinners. Luckily, various area institutions are prepared to untie that lazy tongue of yours. The language of love awaits you with Alliance Francaise’s (810 N. Dearborn St., 312-337-1070) 12-step French lessons (we advise starting with the two-hour Super Basic class for $20). Then hop over to the Spanish Language Center (3139 N. Lincoln Ave. 773-665-9887) for introductory classes or an “intensive weekend” ($250 for either). Or learn one of six levels of Japanese (beginner to advanced, $250 per class), courtesy of the Japan America Society (20 N. Clark St., Suite 750, 312-263-3049). Of course, if communicating with your favorite fraulein is your goal, enroll in a 12-week session ($160) at the German D.A.N.K. School (4740 N. Western Ave. 773-561-9181). Viel Glueck, kamerad!
World Dance and Music Festival
For a measly buck a throw, sample one of Danza Viva’s many dance classes that will be offered as full courses this fall. Choices include African, hip-hop, bellydance and salsa. What, no Macarena? Sept. 9-12. $1 per class. Danza Viva Center for World Dance & Music, 46 Lake St., Oak Park, 708-386-8681.
