The Olympics are over. I haven’t been this sad since Phyllis Diller’s appearance on “The Wayne Brady Show.”
How dare they call these the “Dream Olympics”? Jen and Brad didn’t even show up.
I miss falling asleep to Bob Costas. There. I said it.
A pessimist notes that Eritrea had only one more Olympic medal than South Dakota. An optimist sees that Eritrea and South Dakota both end in the letter “A.”
Michael Phelps, Carly Patterson and Justin Gatlin get a Wheaties box cover. I get bupka.
Didn’t see this coming. Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Strug did the Pledge of Allegiance at the RNC but neither medaled.
The Olympics fade into the sunset and the World Cup of Hockey takes center stage, and I am running very low on chips and salsa. Rectify this.
Our old friend Chris Chelios is the U.S. team captain. Reminder: Keep the fellas away from the fire extinguishers.
Matthew Barnaby, Curtis Brown and Jassen Cullimore get Tuesday introductions in Chicago. Who are they? Well that’s why they’re having introductions, silly.
Adewale Ogunleye doesn’t have a sack yet. This concerns me.
Deion Sanders is coming back. Seems like he never left. Despite my begging.
Curucao’s dazzling Little League World Series championship makes me long for the days when I could pronounce the name of the winning country.
Those kids could flat-out play. Major League Baseball should lure them to either Portland or D.C.
Five things …
I’ve never done that I’d like to do some day:
– Streak at a college football game.
– Make instant Jell-O in the Stanley Cup.
– Pull the Sooner Schooner.
– Complete the Boston Marathon in a go-Kart.
– Nail the landing off the pommel horse.
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redeyesports@tribune.com, Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
