Presumably there actually were some doe-eyed optimists who thought the shotgun marriage of Alan Keyes and the Illinois Republican Party would be mutually beneficial.
Ah, the perils of quickie courtships. Republicans, to the extent their moderate and conservative factions agreed on anything, agreed they wanted a player who could put to rest their embarrassing search for a U.S. Senate candidate. Liken that to not wanting to show up at the high school reunion without a date.
Keyes, by contrast, wanted a booster shot of legitimacy. He wanted a platform. We’re not entirely convinced about the legitimacy, but he does have a platform. He’s a moderately big deal at the Republican National Convention, armed as he is with the GOP nomination for the Senate from Illinois.
If not for that, Alan Keyes would be wandering around New York this week in a vain search for somebody, anybody, who would listen to him. Imagine the loneliness: relegated to a sidewalk near Madison Square Garden, pinned between earnest protesters chanting, “No nukes!” and “Save the whales!”
But Keyes has escaped that sorry fate. He’s no longer just a has-been from Maryland. Instead he’s free to preen before the national media. The Tribune reported Wednesday that Keyes spent the first two days of the convention frequenting Radio Row, the Garden hallway where talk-show hosts interview their guests.
That’s great for Keyes, who has a public career–he’s been a political candidate, a public speaker and a talk show host in his own right–to keep afloat. So, even if this marriage isn’t yet a month old, even if one spouse is looking dour, Keyes has gotten exactly what he wanted.
The problem is that what Keyes wanted isn’t doing much to advance the expansion of O’Hare International Airport, or to enhance economic development in Cahokia, or to help Illinois voters who take politics and governance seriously understand what his presence in the Senate would mean for them.
Then again, is all of that the stuff of Alan Keyes’ candidacy? Or is his candidacy about Alan Keyes, himself?
Meanwhile, the Illinois Republican Party has managed to look steadily more foolish. Its convention delegates have been reduced to wondering why Keyes spends so much time studying his dance card of scheduled media interviews instead of chatting with them.
No surprise there. Every cuckolded spouse has to sort out feelings of resentment.
Until someone consults a divorce attorney, though, this marriage uneasily proceeds. With one likely outcome. As Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said Tuesday about Republican prospects for retaining a majority in the Senate: “I think it’s clear we lose Illinois.”
