I am appalled by the story “Mitzvah envy.”
As the parent of a 1 1/2-year-old, I am increasingly aware of the messages I send to my child through my actions. I am sure the parents who throw faux mitzvahs believe that the message they are sending is that they love their children, that their children are special.
It is dangerous to teach children, “You can tell that I love you by the large amount of money I spend on you.”
It is dangerous to teach children to equate money with love and self-worth.
Recently I was moved by pictures of suffering people in the Darfur region of Sudan. My husband and I made a donation to Doctors Without Borders, whose Web site shows that with a $35 donation, 200 children can be fed two high-energy meals. By my calculations, the family mentioned in the article could have fed nearly 228,571 children for the $40,000 they spent to feed pizza and bowtie pasta to a select group of privileged children.
I was raised Roman Catholic, so my experience with bar mitzvahs is limited. I was honored to be invited to one several years ago. The family hosting the bar mitzvah lived in Glencoe, the same affluent suburb in which the family in the story live. The guest of honor enclosed a card with each invitation that read, “I am lucky to have all I need.” He asked that guests make donations to a non-profit organization that teaches tolerance of diversity. The family hosted a lovely brunch in the child’s honor. I am sure he felt as special and loved as he would have if his parents had spent $40,000 on the party.
All of us who are parents can learn from this example.
