Couples are everywhere on college campuses. They hold hands in the halls and smooch at football games and parties.
The relationships can last anywhere from two days to two years–or even longer. Some people happily settle down, while others avoid relationships like the plague and stick to commitment-free bliss. Which is the best way to go?
Mary Dzwonczyk and Brian Romano, 19, friends and sophomores at DePaul University, both began freshman year in long-distance relationships but quickly ended them.
“I tried to stay with that person, but because of college and because of the distance, it just didn’t work out,” Romano said. “And I wanted to be on my own.”
Dzwonczyk agreed.
“Our lifestyles don’t really allow for a serious relationship,” she said. “You’re always in a situation to meet new people.”
Although many college students are interested in meeting people and developing friendships, they may get tired of the dating scene, said Dr. Robert Lees, director of the counseling center at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
“The students want to get to know a lot of people, but the goal is to find someone,” he said of the students he sees at UIC. “More want committed relationships.”
But in order to be serious about someone else, Lees said, you have to be secure in yourself first. This is different for everyone, he said. Some students don’t form a solid identity until their last few years in school, while others mature sooner.
“It’s a question of, are they relatively mature in terms of their interpersonal side?” Lees said. “They know who they are, but who they are isn’t necessarily who they’re going to be.”
But serious relationships don’t necessarily prevent students from growing, Lees said, as long as you can find someone who can grow with you.
Natalie Tauginas, a 20-year-old sophomore at UIC, is in a five-year relationship with boyfriend Ryan Brown, 22, a sophomore at Roosevelt University. Tauginas wishes she had spent more time with friends, but she has no regrets.
“You’re more focused on school because you’re not going out and meeting new guys,” she said of having a long-term mate. “You always have a friend to talk to, and you have security.”
According to Dr. Thomas Kramer, director of student counseling and resource services at the University of Chicago, students in committed relationships adjust better to college.
“They may sacrifice some experiences, but to have somebody in your life that you feel a bond with, you do better,” he said.
Tracy Polanzi, 19, another UIC sophomore, met her boyfriend during freshman year while trying to avoid a serious relationship.
“I wanted to stay single for at least my first two years,” she said. “I wanted to go to college to get to know myself, but when I got to know him, I got to know myself too.”
Relationships are never easy, but whether a committed relationship works in college depends on the partners.
“People might get into a great relationship the first couple weeks of orientation, and some people might wait two years to get into a horrible relationship,” Kramer said. “It all depends on the individuals.”
