I finally figured it out.
After two weeks of dismal NFL picks, I realized I forgot
to plug in my crystal ball. Who knew?
It’s fired up now, but I’ve also made some of my other prepick preparation traditions.
During my picks I no longer listen to Paul McCartney and Wings’ “Live and Let Die” (off the James Bond soundtrack, which is a nice little CD). From now on, I dial up the Smashing Pumpkins “Bullet with Butterfly Wings.” And yes, mine goes to 11.
And now I burn incense, which draws stares from the neighbors. Oddly enough, no one stared at a bloodhound living in 3-A before, but apparently when that bloodhound starts burning incense, the whole building puts 911 on speed dial.
And I fired my yogi and replaced him with a personal grocer. Her name is Fran. She suggested more celery and cabbages, and I can already see a difference: No more picking the Titans.
There. I think we’re good. Should be zero losses from here on out.
Despite all my roughage I am still just a rat in a cage.
BEARS (1-1) at Minnesota (1-1)
Noon, WFLD-Ch. 32
Things you should know: The buzz from the win at Green Bay
lasted only until we realized how badly Mike Brown and Charles Tillman were hurt. The question: Can the Bears defense put a third straight solid game together without these guys? The answer: I don’t know, but the question keeps me up at night. Meanwhile, those aren’t brain surgeons walking the Minnesota sideline. Coach Mike Tice said he wishes he would have challenged Terrell Owens’ TD catch Monday night. So do I, Mike, so do I.
The line: Vikings by 9 Over/under: 441 1/42 Final shake: Vikings. You’re on a short leash.
