The Red Sox-Yankees and Astros-Cardinals playoff games kicked off at 7 p.m. Wednesday with the NLCS on WFLD-Ch. 32 and the ALCS on Fox Sports Net.
With fresh batteries in the remote control and a thumb firmly on the “previous channel” button, I set out to watch both games.
If you’re looking for scores, see Page 19. No spoilers here.
If you’re lucky enough to have picture-in-picture, pin a rose on you.
If you’re still with me, I’ll see you on the other side.
7 p.m.: It’s the same pregame. Monster relief.
7:11: But … different commercials. Fascinating.
7:16: Wonder if they’ll sing the national anthems at the same time.
7:20: If they did, we missed it. I still sang it. Yankees got the first pitch off before the Cardinals. I’m sure that means a lot to New Yorkers.
7:26: Craig Biggio singles for, wait, yes, Houston. Carlos Beltran goes yard. Missed it. Caught the replay. Why the short sentences? Don’t know.
7:30: Does anyone else think that Diamond Cam makes you feel like a pervert sneaking a peek somewhere? No? OK, never mind.
7:35: I don’t care who you root for, Boston’s Pedro Martinez’s relationship with 28-inch actor Nelson de la Rosa is bizarro.
7:41: Now that was a long inning in St. Louis.
7:45: Let’s pause and thank all the sports bars for the multiple-TV-set service they provide. Working together, they make the miracle happen. Somebody beer me.
7:50: Now a clip of the Red Sox team doctor talking about Curt Schilling’s ankle. “The tendon is snapping over the bone,” he said.
7:52: OK, I fainted. What time is it? And the Cardinals and Astros are tied?!
7:55: If you paint your face for games, I want you to e-mail me (ccmalcolm@tribune.com) and explain why.
8:00: Pedro, the double fake works in Little League, not here.
8:04: Alex Rodriguez struck out against President Bush. Wrong channel, wrong channel!
8:10: Red Sox, hairiest team in baseball, though I am glad to see Johnny Damon is using a conditioner.
8:17: The “Pujols for President” sign is clever, but you have to be a natural-born citizen to hold the office. Larry Walker’s out too. He’s from Canada.
8:22: For the in-game interview with Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, why not ask something wacky, like, “Tony, how many fingers am I holding up?”
8:37: Jim Edmonds got plunked. Where’s Don Zimmer when you need him?
8:45: Having developed a rhythm on the channels, I’m mixing a little “Kevin Hill” on UPN. Tonight’s guest star: Gina Gershon.
8:50: Five replays on the same Yankees foul ball. Overrrrrrrrkilllllllllll!
9:01: Call me crazy, but Damon’s hair has grown at least 2 inches since the first inning.
9:05: Cardinals tie it up, Red Sox do not. Sox and Yanks combined for 17 runs Tuesday. So far, one run through six innings. Ah, baseball.
9:27: If I was an Astros pitcher (down 6-4, whoa, now 7-4) and Phil Garner ran up to me on the mound, I’d be fighting the urge to pet him and give him a milk bone.
9:30: It’s “God Bless America” in New York and “God Help the Astros’ Bullpen” in St. Louis.
9:37: The Yankees game shows taped highlights of the Cardinals going up 7-4, but in reality, they’re going up 10-4 at the very same moment. Weird.
9:54: I feel lazy for having gone so long between updates, but I rank pitching changes as my No. 2 turnoff right behind ear hair.
10:07: Cardinals are machines chewing through to the Astros’ Zion, and Neo is nowhere to be found. And I think I’m dehydrated.
10:24: It’s always a little sad to see the faces in the losing team’s dugout. Then someone spits, and my sympathy turns to disgust.
10:34: That’s it. Yankees win. Now, on to simultaneous David Letterman and Jay Leno. Not.
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Edited by Chris Malcolm (ccmalcolm@tribune.com) and Chris Courtney (cdcourtney@tribune.com)
