While fixing my makeup on the way into work one day this week … what? Why did you stop reading?
Anyway, while riding the train into work one day this week, I realized the NFL Network needs prime-time dramas.
Sure, games are fun. Yes, analyst talk shows are, well, talk shows. But a couple of hit shows could really bring in the kids. Kids love the hit shows.
So here are my pitches. If they get made, I want a producer’s credit and syndication money upfront.
“Desperate High Fives”: Four suburban coaches meet each morning on the lawns and cheer one another up. Our stars: Dave Wannstedt (1-6), Mike Mularkey (1-5), Dennis Erickson (1-5) and Lovie Smith (1-5). Erickson’s the one in the halter top.
“CSI: Baltimore”: No explanation necessary.
“John of Arcadia”: When John Fox hears voices each week, he thinks he’s getting instructions from God. In a way, he is. It’s the Carolina Panthers’ owner in the coaching booth telling him to stop throwing downfield so much.
“Boston Illegal Motion”: The Patriots are football players by day but lawyers by night. And they never lose a case. Never. See, because they’re dirty lawyers and … they … file motions.
See, you’d watch those shows. Or maybe you wouldn’t.
Damn you.
Here now, the picks.
San Francisco (1-5) at BEARS (1-5)
7:30 p.m. ESPN (and WLS-Ch. 7 for those without cable)
Things you should know: Everyone knows that rookie Craig Krenzel is starting this week. Last week he completed 9-of-19 passes for 69 yards with an interception and guided the Bears to their only touchdown. On the 49ers side, they have more injuries than a Chicago Bears training camp. Hey-ho. QB Tim Rattay has a sore forearm, and I think we all know how painful that can be.
The line: Bears by 11 1/42 Over/under: 36
Final shake: 49ers. In a battle of 1-5 teams, the one-eyed man is king.
