Chicago is known for its love of sports and politics, so why not combine the two? We have some outspoken, charismatic types among the city’s major sports teams who could have a future in Washington–and not as Wizards or Expos.
In honor of Tuesday’s presidential election, we’re staging our own run for the nation’s highest office using Chicago sports figures as candidates. Cast your vote from five tickets by e-mailing your choice to us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
Bears ticket
President Brian Urlacher
Vice President David Terrell
Urlacher is popular and a big supporter of defense spending. But loquacious running mate Terrell, the H. Ross Perot of sports candidates, may undermine the campaign. Every time the ticket wins a poll, Terrell says or does something to set them back two points.
Cubs ticket
President Sammy Sosa
Vice President Steve Stone
Sosa adopts the moniker “The Teflon Candidate,” like Ronald Reagan’s “Teflon President,” when he is caught engaging in cork-barrel politics, and his approval rating doubles. Stone promises that if he is elected, he will resign immediately.
Hawks ticket
President Tuomo Ruutu
Vice President Jocelyn Thibault
The promising duo’s candidacy comes to a screeching halt, not because it’s revealed that Ruutu was born in Finland and Thibault in Canada, but that both are Blackhawks.
White Sox ticket
President Frank Thomas
Vice President Ken Williams
The marriage starts off rocky when Williams suggests that Thomas use the donkey as his symbol, and not because he’s a Democrat, if you get his meaning. Thomas would set a precedent by becoming the first commander in chief to refuse to talk to the media.
Bulls ticket
President Tyson Chandler
Vice President Kirk Hinrich
Party big wigs originally wanted a Chandler-Deng ticket because it would resonate with Chandler Bing fans. Then it was determined that a Chandler-Hinrich combination would bring in the female vote. If the presidential campaign fails, they’ll hit the pageant circuit.
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Edited by the sports staff of RedEye
