Let’s face it, you’re never going to show off your own sack dance in front of a national audience. Nor will you get one of those catchy nicknames that will be chirped enthusiastically by sports anchors during highlight segments.
However, you are a fantasy owner, a special segment among sports fans, and you can live vicariously through the players you’ve acquired. Each week, you can get up on the sofa (socks only, please), chant “Priest, Priest, Priest” and flail your arms skyward as you help send Holmes airborne over the pile and into the end zone.
But that’s not enough anymore.
This is where you make a playoff push and have to raise your cheering to a whole new level. It’s time to give your player a nickname. It’s time to point your finger at the co-workers in your office league and yell, “the Deuce is loose!” to spur on Deuce McAllister.
You must intimidate rivals by heralding the onslaught of Titans running back Chris “From Way Downtown Julie” Brown.
At the season’s midpoint, fantasy mojo is at stake!
To help you with this very important task, I have come up with some nicknames below. You creative types out there can send me some of your own at plthompson@tribune.com.
QUARTERBACKS
Daunte Culpepper: Daunte’s En Fuego
Peyton Manning: PeyDirt
Donovan McNabb: Donovan McNasty
Brett Favre: The Gunslinger, Favre and Away
David Carr: Dude, where’s my Carr?
Ben Roethlisberger: Heinz Berger
Byron Leftwich: The Leftwich Project
Billy Volek: Oooh, Billee!
RUNNING BACKS
Ahman Green: The Green Monster
Lee Suggs: Jet Lee; Bone Suggs ‘N Harmony
Thomas Jones: Pocket Priest
Tiki Barber: Tiki Torch ‘Em
Reuben Droughns: Reuben Stud(dard), Attack of the Droughns
Priest Holmes: The Priest
Curtis Martin: Mart’n, he’s so crazy
WIDE RECEIVERS
Roy Williams: Roya the Destroya; Roy-All-TD
Derrick Mason: Derrick ‘mazing
Randy Moss: Do I make you Randy?
Terrell Owens: Jackass
Torry Holt: Lightning Holt
Javon Walker: Walker, Lambeau Ranger
Hines Ward: Hines Catch Up; Mental Ward
TIGHT ENDS
Antonio Gates: Norman Gates; Pearly Gates
Randy McMichael: Randy McHandy
Bubba Franks: Bubba Sparks
KICKERS
David Akers: Akers of Distance; Green Akers
Phil Dawson: Dawson’s Streak
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Edited by Phillip Thompson (plthompson@tribune.com) and Chris Courtney (cdcourtney@tribune.com)
