TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHO WILL magglio ordonez sign with, and for how much?
TOPIC 2: BESIDES STEROIDS, WHAT ELSE SHOULD SPORTS TEST ATHLETES FOR?
TOPIC 3: MIKE TYSON IS TRAINING FOR A COMEBACK. WHY?
TOPIC 4: HOw come brett favre’s no. 4 is the nfl’s best-selling jersey?
TOPIC 5: NAME one ron zook-related headline we’ll see in the next five years.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
New York Mets for four years, $48 million. Poor Sox fans.
How to visit a $40 hooker without the cops knowing.
He didn’t score high enough on his LSAT.
Packer fans have one for each day of the week.
“Zook’s crooks need to hit the books.”
PHIL THOMPSON
Yankees or Orioles with the words “ungodly amount” on the check.
Give ’em the Ar-test. Five minutes alone with Ragin’ Ronnie.
He still trails George Foreman and Evander Holyfield in ill-advised comebacks.
His fans have often been told: “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”
“Comic Zook finds happy ending.”
LEO EBERSOLE
In a shock, the Twins land him by bidding $1 at the last minute.
Common sense.
What else is he going to do, sell real estate?
John Madden buys 6,000 each time he visits Lambeau.
“Michigan 66, Illinois Zook.”
WHIZZER
Japan’s Orix BlueWave. They haven’t heard about the knee.
Potty mouths. Nobody washes mouths out with soap anymore.
Don’t call it a comeback! I’ve been here for years rockin’ my peers and puttin’ suckas in fear.
Green makes everyone look slimmer! And pasty!
“Zook rejects ND; Irish search hits 5 years and counting.”
BAG BOY
Nobody. He spends the next year skiing in Austria.
Any tendencies to hold out from training camp.
Can I please not sit next to Whizzer anymore? It’s annoying as hell.
Our nation’s dangerous shortage of the Anti-Favre vaccine.
“Top recruits to Zook: But it snows in Illinois.”
