The Tribune recently relocated the office I work out of. The most fortuitous part of the move, I figured, was the opportunity to get rid of the clutter that I’d accumulated during the previous five years.
But a week after settling in to our new digs, shortly after losing my keys in a pile of press releases, newspaper promotional materials and old notebooks, I realized that my work area was as big a mess as before. Maybe worse. I needed to get organized. And I knew I needed help.
Donna Smallin is a professional organizer and author of several books on the subject (“Organizing Plain & Simple,” “The One-Minute Organizer”). A recent e-mail listed some of her tips. But they just wouldn’t work for me. Look:
“Don’t expect to get organized overnight. Take this organizing thing one day, one step at a time.”
Good point, Donna. No way I could get this done in one day. It’d take me a week just to gather all the boxes I’d need to haul away this stuff.
“Start with a clear understanding of your motivation. What do you stand to gain from getting organized? What do you stand to lose if you don’t?”
My motivation? I need space to set my coffee cup in the morning. No cleanup, no coffee. No coffee, no happy smiling face.
“What are you doing that contributes to the clutter and chaos in your life?”
Well, holding on to just about every piece of junk that crosses my desk doesn’t help matters.
“Create a one-month plan. Choose five things you most want to accomplish during the month. List these items from highest to lowest priority.”
How about: Clean up this mess. Clean up this mess. Clean up this mess. Clean up this mess. Clean up this mess. That pretty much covers it.
“Take immediate action. Pick a single task and do it today. . . . You will soon be on your way to a more orderly life.”
Exactly. The task I’ve chosen: Write this story.
I’m going to clean house, and you, Q readers, stand to benefit.
Just send me an e-mail (bhageman@tribune.com) explaining in 50 words or fewer what you want off my desk and why. Some stuff stays, of course. Reference books. My paper clip collection. The St. Jude Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases print. Buzzy, the buzzard Beanie Baby, and his tiny director’s chair. But just about everything else must go.
Entries will be judged by Q staffers. If we like your reasons, you win. Or you may win if your spelling and punctuation are flawless. The judges are flexible. Winners will be notified by e-mail, and then all you have to do is watch your mailbox for the loot. Decisions of the judges and the High Commissioner for Q Contests (me) are final. No phone calls. Most important, no returns.
So here’s the junk (or, if you prefer, classic Chicago Tribune collectibles) that I’m unloading (or, if you prefer, sharing with loyal readers). One e-mail per item. And please put the lot number in the subject line. Let the competition begin.
Lot 1: A press kit from 2003 commemorating Bazooka Joe’s 50th anniversary. Comes complete with press releases and a half-dozen pieces of very stale gum, themselves now coveted collector’s items.
Lot 2: A rubber tomato. Can’t be many of these around.
Lot 3: A small silver key. It must have been important or I wouldn’t have saved it. But I can’t remember what it’s for. Could be for anything, from a file cabinet in my basement to the Tribune Co. vaults.
Lot 4: An Elvis snow globe. Early Elvis, not Jumpsuit Elvis.
Lot 5: Business cards. Outdated ones of mine, others from people I’ve interviewed, from salespeople, publicists, exotic dancers . . . about 150 of them.
Lot 6: A collection of 34 glossy photos. Most 8-by-10, ranging from Disney on Ice productions and Ringling Bros. shows to Santa and musicians’ publicity stills. There’s also one of my wife, in a roller derby outfit, lying face-down in a casket at our annual Halloween party.
Lot 7: A Jughead bobblehead (a Jugglehead?).
Lot 8: A Dave Thomas fan. A life-sized cutout of the late Wendy’s owner’s face is attached to a stick. I’m tired of him staring at me. As a bonus, I’ll throw in the black plastic derby he usually wears.
Lot 9: A couple of books I’ve reviewed for Q. We have “We Got Fired!” by Harvey Mackay and “How to Live With an Idiot” by John Hoover. Perfect for that loser in the family.
Lot 10: Two coffee mugs. Both clean, though slightly used. One from the Chicago Reader and one from the Printers Row Book Fair. Just right for holding . . .
. . . Lot 11: Miscellaneous office supplies. We’ve got some Wall Street Journal pens, a trio of plastic Tribune rulers, a couple of Financial Times highlighters, a letter opener. Start your own Tribune branch office.
Lot 12: A tall, yellow candle publicizing “Menopause the Musical.” When was the last time you saw one of these?
Lot 13: Two 6-inch plastic sharks. I have no idea.
Lot 14: A pair of small plastic maracas. Surprisingly loud and irritating.
Lot 15: Flesh-colored plastic body parts that double as office supplies. There’s an ear that serves as a paper clip, and a nose that worked as a pencil sharpener until the blade fell out. (You’d stick the pencil up the left nostril, and … never mind.)
Lot 16: A City of Chicago sign warning pet owners about keeping dogs on restraints.
Lot 17: A pile o’ press kit folders: Twenty-two pocket folders, some with product logos, a couple with press releases still included. Great for the kiddies!
Lot 18: A Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey souvenir program. Lots of photos.
Lot 19: A stack of about 200 7-by-9-inch Tribune promotional giveaway cards featuring former Chicago Fire midfielder Peter Nowak.
Lot 20: A Radio Shack telephone microcassette recorder (not in working order). It was used to record interviews with such luminaries as Kinky Friedman, Red Buttons and Puppet the Psycho Dwarf.
Lot 21: A paddle fan promoting “All Shook Up,” an Elvis-based musical currently at the Cadillac Palace Theatre.
Lot 22: A small, rubbery Santa Claus. Cute but totally expendable.
Lot 23: A 4-by-10-inch plastic Chicago Tribune nameplate. If you do open that branch office, this is also a must-have.
Lot 24: About 15 12-by-20 cardboard Go! Go! Go! Tribune promotional signs. The idea was to fill in the name of a loved one who was in the Chicago marathon, then wave the sign as he or she ran by. Then you’d go out and subscribe to the Tribune.
Lot 25: Three Good Eating plastic seat cushions, giveaways from Naperville Ribfest ’97. They get better with age.
Get those e-mails in soon. Deadline is noon Thursday. I’ll start mailing things out a week after that. If I can find the packing tape under all this mess.
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More tips help curb the clutter
Most offices have at least one offender.
It’s the desk that stops visitors, transfixed by the piles of paper and the stacks on the floor, sometimes leaving a narrow path to the desk chair.
Professional organizer Barb Friedman, who has counseled disorganized guests on television’s “Dr. Phil,” likely would categorize the employee behind that particular type of clutter as a Pack Rat. She describes him–or her–as someone who is fretful about throwing anything away but stows so much paper that he can’t find anything.
The Pack Rat, of course, would deny this, claiming omniscience when it comes to finding anything in his cubicle. But coworkers in search of missing data or a report on deadline know better.
“So many people procrastinate when it comes to organizing their desk that they actually create more work for themselves,” Friedman said in a press release. “By setting aside just 15 minutes a day to develop a system of organizing your work, Americans can save themselves hours of searching for documents or re-creating missing ones.”
With the help of Wilson Jones, which manufactures office products, Friedman has developed other deskside personality types beyond the Pack Rat. Feel free to post this on the office bulletin board.
– The Surveyor prefers to fan papers out all over the desk, keeping everything in sight at all times but able to locate nothing.
– The Tornado is so busy she whisks everything from the desktop into desk drawers to give the appearance of an organized space.
– The White Rabbit hops from meeting to meeting, losing papers along the way.
Friedman says that the steps to getting organized are simple and that regardless of your deskside personality, three main tips can help anyone tackle desk mess.
Color-code your world: Use color to help determine where papers should be filed by assigning a color to each project, type of document or client. If your bills keep you in the red, why not have red files, folders or binders for invoices, credit card statements, etc.?
Give yourself wheels: Get filing tools that can easily be toted to meetings, such as binders or expandable filers. To handle wear and tear, make sure you get durable items; look for tough plastic exteriors with built-in elastic bands to secure pages inside.
Put your name on it: Create categories that mean something to you. For example, if your company calls it sales materials “sellers,” name the file that holds all sales materials “buyers.” (Just kidding; Friedman didn’t say that.) Look for office products that are flexible enough to let you customize label names–and easily change them.
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On the radio
Would you treasure some of Bill Hageman’s junk? Tell Kathy & Judy about it between 9 a.m. and noon Monday. Tune in WGN-AM 720.
