TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: LAY OUT WHAT KIND OF SEASON SAMMY SOSA WILL HAVE THIS YEAR.
TOPIC 2: rumor has it the five of you are going to the super bowl together. Who’s driving?
TOPIC 3: LET’S INVENT A NEW EVENT FOR THE WINTER X-GAMES.
TOPIC 4: OFFICE POOL TIME. WHAT U.S. TV RATING DOES THIS SUPER BOWL PULL?
TOPIC 5: IF AND WHEN ILLINOIS LOSES A GAME, WHAT WILL BE THE ILLINI’S DOWNFALL?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Very typical for Sammy.
Lots of homers, no playoffs, one enormous ego.
We’ll share, but keep in mind there are warrants out for Ebersole in Tennessee and Florida.
Ski Lift Jump Off
(Hey, ma! What did the final episode of M*A*S*H get? Really? Thanks!) Less than 60.2.
Players are blinded while glaring at Dick Vitale, who has forgotten to wax his head.
PHIL THOMPSON
He’s in the land that made crabs famous. He’s found his home.
Me. A certain someone has a bit of a drinking problem. Always
carrying around brown bags.
All judges will now use X-ratings. These games are moving
to Cinemax.
Like a parental guideline rating? With Paul McCartney at
halftime, I say it’s rated Zzzzz.
They’ll run into a backcourt as quick as their own.
LEO EBERSOLE
Thirty-five homers, no corked bats, no All-Star game,
no postseason.
(Gulp.) Bag Boy. Hey, easy on the horn. And quit flashing
the high beams. Psycho.
We round up a bunch of Florida drivers and make them race in
the snow. Gnarly.
I’m going with 65 million viewers, not including the 12 people
watching on the West Coast.
The horrible moment when, thinking he is a goalpost, they start aiming their shots at Nick Smith.
WHIZZER
A strong start that fades.
He is eventually replaced by a new Olsen twins pilot.
Jimmy. And I call “shotgun!”
A Shakespeare festival. Kids love the “Macbeth.”
Even without an advance screening, I give it two thumbs up, if I had thumbs.
They forget to tie their shoes.
Yet another reason not to wear shoes.
BAG BOY
Book it. He wins the 2006 World Series MVP.
Shot–damn it. This year Whizzer gets the dog carrier.
My legs got cramped last time.
How about just a “closing ceremony” since these things … never … end.
The Bears game in 1986 was a 48.3 rating with a 70 share.
Top that, you East Coast dogs.
Kansas.
