There’s something inherently wrong about waking up at 6:30 a.m. Sunday to put on black glitter eye shadow. When I left my house an hour later, I looked as if I was about to hit the clubs for a crazy night out: black halter top, shiny red pants and stilettos. My hair was big and beautiful, and my smoky eyes and glossy red pout were ready to “Mystify” when I auditioned for “INXS Rock Star,” the new Mark Burnett show that’s looking to replace the band’s late, great lead singer, Michael Hutchence.
I should now note that the only singing I’ve done in public was during a boozy night at a karaoke bar, but as a huge
INXS fan, I decided to give the audition a shot anyway.
Around 8:15 a.m., I arrived to find a line of “Rock Star” wannabes outside Schubas. The crowd was mostly dudes with long hair, jeans, black leather jackets and a hell of a lot of keyboards and guitars. Some of the guys looked like Hutchence himself. Next to them, I looked like a chick desperate to be a groupie.
I waited, trying to calm my nerves. But when news of the first auditions filtered out, I started to relax. Apparently, a Robert Smith look-alike went in and sang a Dave Matthews song. Huh? Another guy rapped the “Humpty Dance.” Interesting. Then I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard there was no Simon Cowell-like snark from the judges. In fact, there really weren’t any judges. Everyone got applause and words of encouragement. Wow … can I get a hug too?
Around 10:45 a.m., I was ushered inside with 14 other hopefuls to get a number and have my mug shot taken. When they called numbers 46 through 60 into the audition room, I was very glad to be 59.
Before I knew it, I was up. But, the pressure was on: One woman played keyboard and did Radiohead’s “Paranoid Android,” and most of the guys strummed guitar to original songs.
I adjusted the mic, held my number up, told them I was Karen from Chicago and that I was singing “Devil Inside.” Since I was the only person to do an INXS song out of our group, I got a couple of hoots and a shout of “all right!” from the production crew.
With two cameras rolling and a roomful of eyes on me, I started singing a capella.
“Here come the woman, with the look in her eye,” I sang. And then I went silent. Insert expletive here. I totally blanked. The rest of the song, bar the obvious chorus, was nowhere in my head. I lamely stated into the mic, “Uh, I totally forgot the words.” Forgetting the words to a hit song of the band you’re auditioning for? Not good. “Suicide Blonde” would have been more appropriate.
But, another contestant shouted out the next line–thank you! –and I was able to start over and make it through two verses and the chorus. I wasn’t brilliant, but I wasn’t half bad. One nice guy even told me I had a great voice.
Vocals aside, I think I looked the part with the big hair and black halter top with midriff-baring mesh. But alas, yours truly hadn’t been called back at press time. They probably just lost my number.
“Rock Star” airs on CBS in July. Keep checkingmetromix.com for dates and times.
