When I heard that Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles were planning to marry, my immediate reaction was, “What can they be thinking?”
Second marriages are often thought to be examples of the triumph of hope over experience. This is why we are so ambivalent about them. On the one hand, we love the idea that people are wise to the vagaries of love and are making a true match based at least in part on certain practicalities.
On the other hand, who–having been through one failed marriage–would ever want to risk going through that again? Anyone who has put Post-its on the furniture for the moving men and split the books and offspring down the middle should be smarter than to risk another marital breakup.
Divorce is one of the most challenging life experiences people can endure. It is the root canal of our emotional life–prolonged, painful and expensive.
Studies have shown that second marriages have an even poorer success rate than first marriages. Unlike the stock market, in marriage, past performance is an excellent predictor for future success. One failed marriage has a tendency to lead to another failed marriage.
The fact that Charles and Camilla have known one another for more than 30 years may help; the more we learn about this union, the more we suspect that these two have been “married” to one another this whole time and that their other spouses were acceptable placeholders. After all, Camilla possesses all the characteristics of a typical “first wife”–she’s stolid and age-appropriate. Princess Diana was the younger and blonder trophy.
After my initial incredulous reaction to these marriage plans, I now find I want to embrace them. Perhaps it’s the proximity to Valentine’s Day. But only someone in love could exhibit such a charming optimism about the future.
Fortunately, love is not only blind but also sometimes stupid–and definitely has amnesia.
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The daily Ask Amy column appears in today’s TEMPO
