1. Warning signs
So this FBI guy says he warned Major League Baseball about steroids 10 years ago. Super. Let’s get the FBI focused on things a little more crucial to the American people, like, I dunno, finding the Cubs a closer.
2. OK, this is weird
I bought Jose Canseco’s book, but I can barely lift it.
3. Mark it down
Bobby Knight beating Bill Self was historic, as it was the first time Illinois fans rooted for Knight.
4. Relax, it’ll come
I’m waiting for Canseco to accuse Texas Tech of being on steroids.
5. Feeling useless
Here’s how you settle the NHL lockout: Oh, whatever. Nobody cares.
6. Same difference
The last time the NHL didn’t play a Stanley Cup finals was 1919 thanks to a flu epidemic. This year, let’s blame it on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
7. No Super Bowls included
I still can’t get over the reported sale price for the Vikings: $625 million. I mean, that’s more than Canseco’s steroids bill.
8. True March madness
The poor Savannah State Tigers finished 0-28, making them the odds-on favorite to knock Illinois out in the first round.
9. Let’s get this straight
The Westminster Kennel Club show is on, and Madison Square Garden hasn’t seen this many dogs since the Blackhawks played the Rangers.
FIVE THINGS…
Five people not posing in this year’s SI swimsuit edition:
– Refrigerator Perry
– The Phillie Phanatic
– Mayor Daley
– William Howard Taft
– Me
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redeyesports@tribune.com; Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
