1. Marketing message
Sure, No. 1 Illinois should annihilate Northwestern on Wednesday. But let’s look at the RPI ranking: Illinois is only a meager No. 2, and Northwestern is a robust No. 98. … Oh, I can be so transparent sometimes, I really can.
2. And pass the Courvoisier
No NBA games Monday. Good. That will let me spend a couple of hours polishing my bling.
3. Trust me, I called
Did you see that size-22 shoe phone Shaq had at the All-Star Game? It doesn’t come in a Hush Puppy.
4. But what about the lockout
A bunch of Canadians broke the world record for the longest hockey match ever by playing 203 straight hours. And they raised money for cancer research. So NHL players, what did you do this weekend?
5. In other news …
The NHL owners have just canceled their own birthdays.
6. Synchronized honking
To show the visiting IOC bigwigs how badly New York wants the 2012 Olympics, all cabdrivers wore Speedos. And nothing else.
7. Smokeys & the Bandits
For next year’s Daytona 500, let’s have 43 racecars and 43 state troopers in squad cars chasing them.
8. It could happen
ESPN hired ex-Cub Eric Karros as
an announcer. Prediction: 10 years from now Karros is calling the Cubs’ Game 11 World Series loss to the New Mexico Mets.
9. Earth to Farnsy
Ex-Cub Kyle Farnsworth in Tigers camp: “I haven’t even learned how to pitch yet.” Admitting the problem is the first step to change.
FIVE THINGS…
Five reasons why I won’t be at the NFL combine:
– My value can only go down, not up.
– I’m busy catching up on my “Miami Vice” DVDs.
– They don’t serve pudding between 40-yard dashes.
– I giggle when they start to give me the “Wonderlic IQ test.”
– Only the Bears draft dogs.
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redeyesports@tribune.com; edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
