Separating lights and darks at the Laundromat, waiting in line at the bank, the flight home with an interesting seatmate. All everyday occurrences, but for many singles, these are opportunities. When you’ve got people, you have some sizing up going on. It’s only natural.
“We are [always] looking, interested and taking in information,” said Tess Marshall, psychologist and author of “Flying by The Seat of My Soul.” “We want to see if a face, physique, clothes, mannerisms, etc., fit our ideal or desires.”
Even if we’re not consciously looking, subconsciously we are. If they’re of the sex you’re attracted to, it’s natural to check them out.
“Singles are so full of these urges to find the right person,” said Neil Clark Warren, psychologist, author and founder of eharmony.com. “Wherever they go, they wonder, ‘Is she or he here?’ “
Human nature dictates that we usually have an ideal we carry around in our heads and we’ll ask questions or sway the conversation so it turns toward finding out these details. Does he or she work out? Like pets? Kids? Cigarettes? George W.? Have a criminal record?
Our ideal may have to be reconstructed to become reality, but we do have it.
“There is always something,” said Kailen Rosenberg, owner of Global Love Mergers in Minneapolis. “It could be pheromones or an energy that person gave off.”
If we are physically attracted to the person, then full-on sizing up is a near guarantee, said Jill Spiegel, author of “The Flirtologist’s Guide to Dating.”
“We’re very visual,” Spiegel said. “So what your eye sees right away commutes right to your brain. Cute eyes, great. Brainy, check. Freckles, nice. Your mind is like a computer receiving from your eyes.”
Although this may seem judgmental, it’s not. Actually, it’s good, Warren said.
Basically, we have our “must haves” and our “can’t stands.”
Immediately tuning yourself in allows you to determine quickly if this is someone you’d like to get to know better.
“It’s a very natural and very healthy thing to make a determination as early as possible,” Warren said.
It helps weed out the person who is a great match and, in turn, saves you from wasting time with those who are, well, a waste of time.
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Edited by Cara DiPasquale (cdipasquale@tribune.com) and Curt Wagner (cwwagner@tribune.com)
