1. Simple advice from a dog
I’m no PR whiz, but if Barry Bonds were just a little less angry all the time, he’d be a lot easier to like.
2. And, hey, lighten up
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with reruns of “Sanford and Son.” Nothing. Good day to you, sir.
3. Grass is always greener
New Oriole Sammy Sosa said, “I’m in a new house with a young team that I can help.” As opposed to being in an old house with a good team that just wanted the volume turned down a little bit.
4. I’m busting out, baby
Pro golfer Brian Payne is using eBay
to drum up sponsors. Minimum bid: $10,000. Hmm. If he wore a Whizzer windbreaker, that could be just the kind of exposure I’ve been looking for.
5. OK everyone
Kick in some coin. A winning bid above $25,000 gets my face on the golf bag too. Next stop: Hollywood.
6. End of argument
If I ran a team, I got my franchise player picked out: Natalie Portman.
7. That’s just cold
The Red Sox will hand out their World Series rings before the April 11 game against the Yankees. Guess we know how the Massachusetts National Guard gets to spend the afternoon.
8. Paws for effect
Marquette’s Travis Diener broke two bones in his hand during a non-contact drill, effectively ending his college career. See? This is why I don’t have hands.
9. To new beginnings
Randy Moss to the Raiders, eh? Let the honeymooning begin.
FIVE THINGS…
… I bet Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said in his team-only meeting:
– Do we have a translator for Shingo Takatsu and Tadahito Iguchi?
– No way Clive Owen wins best supporting. Talk about a fifth wheel.
– Do we have a translator for Paul Konerko?
– New rule: No more wedgies on the mascot. I mean it.
– What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
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redeyesports@tribune.com; edited by the sports staff of RedEye.
