Dear Abby: My son, “Adam,” is 9. He’s very bright and earns straight A’s in school. Adam gets in trouble now and then for goofing off. Adam has become friends with a boy in his class named “Sean,” who has been in trouble quite often and has even been suspended from school. I happen to know that Sean’s parents have drugs in their home and have been in trouble with the law.
Although allowing my son to go to Sean’s house is out of the question, I have considered permitting Sean to come here and play where I can keep a close eye on him. I can’t help but see that Sean is an innocent child who needs a positive influence. Would I be wrong to allow Adam to invite him over? Or should I discourage this friendship altogether?
— Protective Mom In Illinois
Dear Mom: You are in a position to make an important difference in that child’s life. You could be the influence that turns his life around. As long as your son’s friend follows the rules at your house, I see no reason why he should not be invited over. Be an angel and throw the boy a lifeline.
Dear Abby: I moved in with my gentleman friend, “Victor,” eight months ago. I have insisted on paying for my room and board, even though I was between jobs and money is tight.
Recently, over my objections, Victor emptied a room of my personal effects to make room for his guests. He has put me in a smaller room, which he also wants to make available to his guest’s guests. Mind you, by “personal effects” I mean my underwear, jewelry, bills and personal papers, etc. There is only one full bathroom in his house, so this room is also where I .
The “guests” are usually Victor’s grown sons and their girlfriends. I no longer have warm, fuzzy feelings for this man. Am I being unreasonable or unforgiving? Victor says I don’t need to go, but I think it’s time I move on. What do you think?
— Unfair In Florida
Dear Unfair: By moving your belongings over your objection, Victor has sent you an important message. He may think you don’t need to go, but since you no longer have “warm, fuzzy feelings” for him, I agree that you must.
Dear Abby: This is my seventh year of marriage to a wonderful man. We were both widowed when we met. He has four sons and one daughter. The daughter does not approve of me, which is fine since she lives out of town.
None of his children knows how to introduce me. They always proudly introduce their father, and then they say, ” . . . and this is `Doris.”‘ It makes me feel like I am a live-in instead of his wife.
Please tell me what the correct introduction s5hould be so he can pass it on to his children? They are all grown and married, so they don’t want to say, “This is my stepmother,” and that’s OK, too, I guess. My children say, “This is my mother and her husband, `John,’ or my stepdad, `John.”‘ Please help.
— Stepmom In Charleston, S.C.
Dear Stepmom: The correct introduction should be, “This is my father and his wife, Doris.”
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
