TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Mark joins us today. Guess what we make the new guy do each week?
TOPIC 2: It’s early, and it’s a long season. But should Sox fans regret Magglio Ordonez’s departure?
TOPIC 3: You’re in the Five on Five locker room and you’re blasting your boombox. What are you playing?
TOPIC 4: How will a Bears fan celebrate the pending trade of Randy Moss out of the NFC North?
TOPIC 5: Pick one Oscar nominee and explain why they’d be a great athlete.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Make him wear women’s clothing. Or perhaps something he doesn’t enjoy.
Nope. One person doesn’t make a difference. Unless that person is Jerry Reinsdorf.
“Those Are Some Ugly People On My Left,” by Jimmy Greenfield.
By scanning the Bears roster and breaking down in tears.
Jamie Foxx. At least this year, he’d be a two-sport star.
PHIL THOMPSON
Get your leash and pooper scooper. You’re walking Leo.
You can’t go through life holding onto regret.
“Let’s Get it Started” right before I take a bat and Sammy-rize it.
Charles Tillman could give him a parting gift, then rip it out of his hands in the end zone.
Natalie Portman would be a great swimmer. Don’t worry about why.
LEO EBERSOLE
Give Jimmy a pedicure. Know that he reads Glamour out loud while you do it.
If they regret not having a single hitter who scares the opposition, then yes.
“Enter Sandman.” That’s right,
I pretend I’m Mariano Rivera.
Sue me.
With a Viking funeral.
(Weak applause.)
Thomas Haden Church sounds like a guy who played a lot of ultimate frisbee in his day.
WHIZZER
Bathe me. I prefer goatmilk soap and Epsom Salts. Now get scrubbing.
Yes. It’s hard to chant “Jer-MAINE” without feeling like you’re at the Jackson trial.
AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” as performed by me on my Casiotone.
LET’S MOON MINNESOTA!
The man is Clint Eastwood. The sport is boxing. And this time I play the orangutan.
MARK BLECHA
Apologize for not looking like a stand-in on “Carnivale.”
No way. And Hor-Hay Bell is gonna have a monster season!
I’m too busy injecting steroids in my ass. But I’ve heard good things about Foghat.
I suggest the same manner in which I celebrate breakfast:
With a scotch.
I see nothing more formidable than Hilary Swank charging down the backstretch at Churchill Downs.
