TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ORDERS FOR INTERN JEFF?
TOPIC 2: BIG TEN TITLE, NO. 1 RANKING, THE CHICAGO REGIONAL. COULD THE SCENARIO BE ANY BETTER FOR ILLINOIS?
TOPIC 3: WHO GOT SCREWED BIG TIME ON SELECTION SUNDAY?
TOPIC 4: AND NOW, A MOMENT FOR THE HAVE-NOTS: THE NIT IS TO THE NCAA TOURNEY AS …
TOPIC 5: PREDICT AT LEAST ONE CINDERELLA STORY THIS YEAR.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Change your name now. Unless you want to be an intern your whole life.
Sure. They could move their campus to a city near actual
civilization.
Anybody who watched that CBS selection show. Are Billy Packer and Jim Nantz dating?
… an 8-track player is to an iPod.
Fairleigh Dickinson goes up 2-0 on Illinois. Content, they then drop their basketball program.
PHIL THOMPSON
Hey intern, my throwback jersey collection ain’t gonna dry clean
itself.
Yes. Welcome back for a fourth time, No. 16 seed: Northwestern!
I’m guessing Paul Giamatti again. Doesn’t anyone like his performance in “Sideways?”
… Andy Dick is to David Spade. What can I say? I aim low.
Penn makes it to the Sweet 16. And you can write that down.
INTERN JEFF
It’s my first … time … in … a newspaper. Um, false?
They could be in the women’s tourney. Is it a bad idea to insult the women on my first day?
Iowa. A No. 10 seed? They’re only a point guard, center and four studs away from winning it all.
… Mark McGwire (pre-steroids) is to Mark McGwire (post-steroids).
Vin Diesel gets an Oscar for “The Pacifier.” And watch for N.C. State to make the Elite Eight.
WHIZZER
Yes, take Bag Boy out for a walk. And bring extra baggies. Trust me.
Yes. The campus could be located in Key West. Let’s get this done.
How can Penn State NOT be in the NIT?
… my fanny is to my face.
Scarlett Johansson wins an Oscar for … hey intern. I work alone, punk.
BAG BOY
I see you brought drinks. Good. Now spit in Jimmy’s. Do it.
Nope, this is as good as it gets until they crash-land in the Elite Eight. Woe is me.
Me. I’m stuck on the end here for months, and the intern gets a No. 3 seed? Unreal.
… Leo is to the intern. That’s right, a solid cheap shot. Sue me.
Oakland over Alabama A&M for the right to be obliterated by North Carolina.
