TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: THE NCAA HASN’T EVEN STARTED, AND IT’S GETTING HEADLINES. WHAT’S THE MOST OVERSHADOWED NEWS STORY?
TOPIC 2: HOW WILL YOU PREPARE FOR TUESDAY’S GAME BETWEEN OAKLAND AND ALABAMA A&M?
TOPIC 3: THE ALL-TIME FUNNIEST SPORTS QUOTE IN A MOVIE IS …
TOPIC 4: ULTIMATELY, WHAT WILL MARK MCGWIRE’S LEGACY BE?
TOPIC 5: THE FCC SAYS THE “DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES” BIT ON “MNF” WASN’T INDECENT. DISCUSS.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Kerry Wood and Mark Prior can’t pick up a cup of coffee without getting hurt.
Six hours of breaking down film followed by the inevitable mental breakdown.
“Scouts?”
Just another steroid user too afraid to ‘fess up.
I don’t discuss “Desperate Housewives.” Ever.
PHIL THOMPSON
We have no idea know how much Rick Neuheisel is putting down on Washington. Inexcusable.
I warm up by watching some NIT games. Or rub soap in my eyes, whichever is more efficient.
“I don’t hate Balboa. I pity the fool.” The legend of Mr. T was born that day.
He’ll always be the first redheaded pineapple to make it in the majors. No one can take that away.
What’s the deal? A man drops his towel, who cares? But just because Nicolette Sheridrool drool drool.
INTERN JEFF
Apparently the Illini are a No. 1 seed. Why aren’t we talking about this?
Too busy watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” with my girlfriend. I mean beer. Lots of beer.
“Put him in a body bag, Johnny!”
Big Mac, small fries.
Indecent was the shower scene with Whizzer and Bag Boy. But I had to pay my dues.
WHIZZER
Congress is holding something on Thursday. I think it’s a bake sale.
I’m having the intern massage my scalp.
“The most important thing to
remember is to protect your quarterback–me.”
He hit homer after homer, but above all, he knew how to grow a goatee.
Jimmy, don’t forget. You’re loaning me Episode 1 through 5. And thanks for taping!
BAG BOY
Just checked: The Bulls are still in the playoff hunt. Hang on, checking again. Yep, still there.
I write a letter to the losing team and congratulate them for the quick death.
“I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete’s foot and jock itch went away.”
Much smaller than it once was.
I still hit my knees at night and thank the stars that we didn’t see a nude John Madden.
