Dear Cheryl: It’s been almost 10 years since my wife ran off with a guy from work, and I haven’t even been able to get a date with a single girl! I’m active in all sorts of church functions. I go to concerts. I go to museums. I bicycle ride. I hang out downtown, love to go out to eat. I don’t watch sports on TV because athletes are losers. You’ll never find strength in a gym or sports arena. Yes, it’s true.
I love to travel. I once even had a free trip to Jamaica and still couldn’t get a girl to go! I’ve even stopped looking, because it’s said you find someone when not looking, and guess what? Nothing. To try not to seem desperate, I just walk away from women and never see them again.
I don’t smoke. I drink occasionally, unfortunately not enough to drown my sorrows. I don’t do drugs, but I’m thinking it might be something to do. I pray for death. Everyone tells me I’m a nice guy, but that’s the kiss of death. But I have always tried to be a better person.
I’m a self-employed professional. I’ve accomplished much in life, and I’m very happy with myself. I’m 47, but I feel like I’m 25.
— Ten Year Man
Dear Ten Year Man: You don’t need a date, you need a therapist. I’m not trying to make light of your problem. I’m trying to get you to see that you have some fundamental personality issues.
You say you feel like you’re 25, yet you’re praying for death? You’re “very happy” with yourself, but you “walk away from women” in order not to seem desperate? These statements don’t add up.
I also find your comment about athletes bizarre. Many people have improved their bodies and their health in the gym and found that the self-confidence it gave them carried over to other aspects of their life. Please seek out a therapist you feel comfortable with and work on your problems.
Dear Cheryl: A woman wrote you who said she had three kids and that that was a turnoff to men. My wife died when my 9-year-old son was 25 months old, and I’ve been raising him ever since. I’m 51 years old, which means I was 44 when my wife died. Women my age don’t even want to know me. Their kids have moved out, they’ve gotten rid of their husbands and now they want to travel the world and party.
Women who do have kids my son’s age think I’m too old! I had one date since my wife died, and I haven’t had a date in almost two years. I joined two online dating services last month, and only got one response from a girl 100 miles away. I have two close women friends, but I miss someone to hold and touch and go out with. Still, I’m hanging in there.
— Single Dad
Dear Single Dad: I agree that a 51-year-old man with a 9-year-old son may not be every woman’s idea of a great catch. But the good news is there are women out there who would enjoy the challenge. Now you just have to find them.
Online dating might not be right for you because you have to be upfront about your circumstances and that may turn them off. You’re better off getting to know someone as a friend and then letting the friendship turn into a romance.
So, how do you make that happen? Get involved in activities you enjoy that bring men and women together: sports, exercise, hobbies, clubs, etc. Put yourself out and meet some women and make some new friends. One or two of them may be possible dates, or they may know someone to set you up with.
Good luck and keep me informed.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL. 60611 or e-mail cheryllavin@aol.com. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales From the Front Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.
