The weekend’s just around the corner. No, don’t look at it. You’ll scare it away. Instead, e-mail redeyesports@tribune.com and tell us why you should get a shot at Five on Five.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
TOPIC 1: Two big wins for the Sox. Let’s give this team a nickname.
“The Small Ballmaulers.”
TOPIC 2: Can T.O.’s new agent really get an upgrade on his current $48-million deal?
If he can, I nominate the Eagles owner for a Darwin Award.
TOPIC 3: Aldermen want to ban cell phone use by drivers. Any suggested Chicago sports bans?
I should be banned from using my driver.
TOPIC 4: One prediction for the Cubs’ home opener.
Carlos Zambrano will get into a shouting match with a polish sausage.
TOPIC 5: The baseball payroll lists are out. Who is the most overpaid player?
Too many to pick from, but Jose Contreras at $8.5 million is a crime.
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: Two big wins for the Sox. Let’s give this team a nickname.
How about the Rox? As in “that team Rox!” That sux.
TOPIC 2: Can T.O.’s new agent really get an upgrade on his current $48-million deal?
T.O. should stage a telethon: Little Terrell’s ego is very fragile. Won’t you send a $1?
TOPIC 3: Aldermen want to ban cell phone use by drivers. Any suggested Chicago sports bans?
How about banning cell phones as stadium names too?
TOPIC 4: One prediction for the Cubs’ home opener.
Jeromy Burnitz will fill in beautifully for Sammy in right field, then develop an allergy to ivy.
TOPIC 5: The baseball payroll lists are out. Who is the most overpaid player?
As of the last two days, I’d have to say Mariano Rivera. Physician, “save” thyself.
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: Two big wins for the Sox. Let’s give this team a nickname.
Captain Konerko and His Band of Slap-Hitters.
TOPIC 2: Can T.O.’s new agent really get an upgrade on his current $48-million deal?
Better question: Can he get his client to shut up?
TOPIC 3: Aldermen want to ban cell phone use by drivers. Any suggested Chicago sports bans?
Carlos Zambrano is barred from consuming any caffeine. Feisty guy.
TOPIC 4: One prediction for the Cubs’ home opener.
Pinch-runner Darren Baker is thrown out stealing third to end the game.
TOPIC 5: The baseball payroll lists are out. Who is the most overpaid player?
For the fifth year in a row, it’s Chan Ho Park.
WHIZZER
TOPIC 1: Two big wins for the Sox. Let’s give this team a nickname.
The White Hot Sox. Wink, wink.
TOPIC 2: Can T.O.’s new agent really get an upgrade on his current $48-million deal?
If he does, sorry Jimmy but Drew Rosenhaus becomes my new sugar daddy.
TOPIC 3: Aldermen want to ban cell phone use by drivers. Any suggested Chicago sports bans?
No more autograph requests from Whizzer. I farmed the signing out months ago.
TOPIC 4: One prediction for the Cubs’ home opener.
It will be played at Wrigley Field. Damn, I’m good. Touch me, Leo. SIZZLE!
TOPIC 5: The baseball payroll lists are out. Who is the most overpaid player?
Joe Horgan makes $319,000 in D.C.? That’s sick, that’s sick.
BAG BOY
TOPIC 1: Two big wins for the Sox. Let’s give this team a nickname.
Yawn. The Two-Big-Wins-Don’t-Impress-Me-Yet Sox.
TOPIC 2: Can T.O.’s new agent really get an upgrade on his current $48-million deal?
Forty-eight million? C’mon. I’m a loudmouth and I’m making jack squat.
TOPIC 3: Aldermen want to ban cell phone use by drivers. Any suggested Chicago sports bans?
The next guy who asks me, “Paper or plastic” gets hung up by his thumbs.
TOPIC 4: One prediction for the Cubs’ home opener.
If you see me face down on Waveland Avenue, just let me be. It’s my alone time.
TOPIC 5: The baseball payroll lists are out. Who is the most overpaid player?
Barry Bonds could make $22 million without playing an inning.
