For the last 25 years, RedEye has let a reader sit in on Friday. This week’s reader: Blake Koch. Think you have what it takes? Just e-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
TOPIC 1: Give baseball players something to say to umps that won’t get them ejected.
“I enjoyed you in ‘The Aviator.’ What do you mean you’re not Leonardo DiCaprio?”
TOPIC 2: If Hollywood made a movie like “Fever Pitch” about a Cubs fan, what would it be called?
“Scenes from an Idiot’s Marriage.”
TOPIC 3: How can we spice up The Masters this weekend?
Only one fan allowed per hole, but he gets to carry a blow horn.
TOPIC 4: The Pontiac Silverdome closes down in 2006. What’s next for that building?
It returns to its home planet, where it is used solely for motocross racing.
TOPIC 5: Take your best guess: Who is Sydney Crosby?
The next Wayne Gretzky. In fact, he’s already dating Janet Jones.
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: Give baseball players something to say to umps that won’t get them ejected.
” … and that’s what I think of your mother. Look, over there, it’s
Carlos Zambrano!”
TOPIC 2: If Hollywood made a movie like “Fever Pitch” about a Cubs fan, what would it be called?
“Plague Ball!”
TOPIC 3: How can we spice up The Masters this weekend?
Players charge the fairway with their 9-irons in a re-enactment of “Braveheart.”
TOPIC 4: The Pontiac Silverdome closes down in 2006. What’s next for that building?
It can be an off-season research facility for Terrell Owens’ touchdown celebrations.
TOPIC 5: Take your best guess: Who is Sydney Crosby?
A really hot Internet model? Unless it’s a dude, then we never had this conversation.
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: Give baseball players something to say to umps that won’t get them ejected.
“Your life story should be a movie starring Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx.”
TOPIC 2: If Hollywood made a movie like “Fever Pitch” about a Cubs fan, what would it be called?
“Old Style-Induced Coma.”
TOPIC 3: How can we spice up The Masters this weekend?
With a little paprika. And someone other than Vijay Singh winning.
TOPIC 4: The Pontiac Silverdome closes down in 2006. What’s next for that building?
It gets converted into a holding cell for Michigan State fans.
TOPIC 5: Take your best guess: Who is Sydney Crosby?
Bill Cosby’s transvestite impersonator?
WHIZZER
TOPIC 1: Give baseball players something to say to umps that won’t get them ejected.
“No matter what Blake Koch says, that little hat does not make you look fat.”
TOPIC 2: If Hollywood made a movie like “Fever Pitch” about a Cubs fan, what would it be called?
“Blue Marooned.”
TOPIC 3: How can we spice up The Masters this weekend?
Stage a professional lumberjack competition in the surrounding woods.
TOPIC 4: The Pontiac Silverdome closes down in 2006. What’s next for that building?
World’s Largest Flea Market. Because, trust me, fleas love to shop.
TOPIC 5: Take your best guess: Who is Sydney Crosby?
The alias the San Diego Chicken uses when he checks into hotels.
BLAKE KOCH
TOPIC 1: Give baseball players something to say to umps that won’t get them ejected.
“Is that a baseball in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”
TOPIC 2: If Hollywood made a movie like “Fever Pitch” about a Cubs fan, what would it be called?
“Meet the Bartmans,” starring Andy Dick.
TOPIC 3: How can we spice up The Masters this weekend?
Hold wet T-shirt contests during the rain delays.
TOPIC 4: The Pontiac Silverdome closes down in 2006. What’s next for that building?
It turns into the Red Wings’ bingo hall.
TOPIC 5: Take your best guess: Who is Sydney Crosby?
Jason Giambi’s pet name for his intestinal worm.
