Leo: You were on vacation last week, I dominated (remind me to send Derrek Lee flowers). Any chance you could go on, like, permanent vacation?
Jimmy: Was that a death threat? Did you just threaten to kill me? If so, I know a guy who can do it cheap. Getting back to last week’s fantasy baseball results, I’ve learned my lesson. Never vacation with Courtney Love. Never.
Leo: Agreed. Anyway, I was thinking–holy crap! You dropped Kerry Wood! I am … not that stunned. But I must ask: What was your reasoning, I mean, besides the fact your team got spanked last week?
Jimmy: Look, we’ve agreed to have no bench, and I can’t afford to carry dead weight. Besides, you won’t pick him up anyway. Now, for my fair trade offer of the week that you always decline: Corey Patterson for Scott Podsednik. The gauntlet has been laid.
Leo: Kerry freakin’ Wood. I can’t take my mind off it. It’s like a siren song that will certainly lead me to death, but … must … snap out of it! And it’s another “no” on the trade. Patterson’s on first less than I’m in a Pier 1 Imports store. He won’t touch Podsednik in steals.
Jimmy: I’ll get you to trade with me one day. It’s what the readers want, Leo. Give them what they want. I’ll try again … Jon Garland for Freddy Garcia. Any takers?
Leo: Geeeesh … you’re killing me here. When do you go on vacation next? And since when do we have readers?
Jimmy: You just can’t pull the trigger, can you? So very sad. We’ll talk again next week after Garland goes down with a horrible deep fryer injury.
Selects 8
Brains 2
Season series: Brains 2, Selects 2
Leo’s Chicken Sslects
C Barrett; 1B Lee; 2B Hairston;
3B Ramirez; SS Uribe;
OF Podsednik, Rowand, Everett. SP: Prior, Garcia, Maddux,
Hernandez; RP: Hawkins, Hermanson
Player of the week: Derrek Lee (.455, 4 HR, 13 RBIs)
Jimmy’s Bird Brains
C Pierzynski; 1B Konerko;
2B Iguchi; 3B Crede; SS Perez;
OF Patterson, Burnitz, Dye.
SP: Zambrano, Buehrle, Rusch, Garland. RP: Takatsu, Dempster
Player of the week: Jon Garland (2 wins, 0.00 ERA, 0.56 WHIP)
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Edited by the sports staff of RedEye
