Regular readers of Five on Five know that Whizzer took a two-week hiatus from Five on Five, partly because Bag Boy complained about our prognosticating pooch but mostly because Whizzer needed the break.
In his place, Whizzer asked our readers’ pets to take over.
And you thought Jimmy Greenfield, Phillip Thompson and Leo Ebersole were animals.
Whizzer’s open auditions turned up so many animals that our cartoon dog petitioned to let the pets run the asylum for an entire day. Leo called the meeting to order, Phillip seconded the motion, and Jimmy called to adjourn. Sometimes, it’s just that easy.
So this day’s panel includes pets from all over Chicago. There’s Gaby the pug, Sam the cat, and Squiggles the African Pygmy hedgehog. Jackson the dog was brave enough to show his face; RedEye’s very own Bag Dog was not.
Why the bag on the dog? If you were Bag Boy’s best friend, you’d hide your face too.
Whizzer will be back Monday after one final guest in Friday’s panel. Here’s a hint: Michael Jackson isn’t the only one out there with a celebrity look-alike.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: The Rush and the Wolves made the playoffs. What gives?
TOPIC 2: Why are the Scott Skiles contract extension talks taking so long?
TOPIC 3: Rate your excitement over the news that Hoffman Estates may get a minor-league hockey team?
TOPIC 4: Let’s say you have courtside seats at the French Open. What would you do there?
TOPIC 5: Honestly, how will appearing in Five on Five change your life?
Gaby The Pug
Don’t know much about the Rush except my owner has all their albums. And Skates is cute in a scary kind of way.
He’s waiting to see if Jordan comes out of retirement … again!
Will they have all-beef hot dogs? How about nachos? Pupperonis?
Dumb question. Four legs, many tennis balls. Hmm, OK I give up. What would I do there?
Not much, well, except for the
paparazzi waiting for me to poop in the yard.
Sam The Cat
If you mean WHO gives a care, the answer is “Europeans,” I guess.
Everyone’s secretly trying to convince Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson to come back.
YAWN. Wake me when the arena is built. Wait, it involves hockey, don’t wake me.
Bribe the ball boy for a souvenir new toy.
I hope not at all because I have the perfect life: I’m a cat!
Squiggles The Hedgehog
Northwestern won a national title in women’s lacrosse and morale is high. Illinois who?
Whizzer peed on Jerry Reinsdorf’s leg.
I’ll only be excited if Bag Boy pulls me around on a sled.
Mush, Baggy.
I would burrow and make a “puerta” in the clay, if you will.
Please. I’m already a celebrity. Who happens to sit in foam cups.
Jackson The Dog
Throw the Bears in there and I might care.
Whizzer won’t stop drunk-dialing the Bulls’ front office.
People still play hockey? Really?
Go home with Maria Sharapova.
I signed a movie deal with
Angelina Jolie. Can you say,
“Jacksongelina?”
Bag Dog
They’ll both lose. And look at this panel. I haven’t seen this much fur since Liberace’s estate sale. Is this thing on?
It takes time typing up all those commas and zeros.
BREAK THE BANK!
Oh goody, another Illinois team ready and willing to be thumped by another Michigan team.
Order two beers and hand one to the line judge. Keep it fair, I got 200 euros on the Czech.
Is Sam the cat high?
Here’s how my life changes: Now Bag Boy fetches me MY
paper and slippers.
