TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: How can local residents welcome the Red Sox to Chicago?
TOPIC 2: There was yet another offensive 49ers video made in 2003. What’s NEXT?
TOPIC 3: What can Vegas do to sweeten their bid to host the NBA All-Star Game?
TOPIC 4: Randy Moss’ Raiders jersey is the best-selling NFL jersey because …
TOPIC 5: What song do you listen to when you write your Five on Five answers?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
By saying, “Haven’t you been on the South Side for every year since 1903?”
We learn the 49ers are owned and operated by John Rocker.
Offer to hold the halftime show via satellite from the Mustang Ranch.
… the U.S. prison population is at an all-time high.
I hum a little ditty I wrote called, “Leo can go STRAIGHT TO HELL!”
PHIL THOMPSON
Beat them senseless.
It’s how they say, “We care.”
They’re already working on a “49ers Gone Wild” video: “You won’t believe what Denise DeBartolo York does next!”
What makes them think strippers, gambling and a chance to show off fancy rides would lure your typical NBA player?
… it recently was declared the official uniform of the California Department of Corrections?
Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together.” How’s about another group hug? No groping this time, Bags.
LEO EBERSOLE
With crosses, garlic and other vampire repellents.
Investigators find the rough cut of “Alexander” in an empty locker.
I’m thinking it involves Commissioner Stern and a rigged craps game. Everybody wins.
… Raiders fans can relate to someone who acts like a freak.
Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.”
It drowns out Phil’s Aaron Carter CDs.
WHIZZER
Run up and ask each player to say “chowder,” then giggle and pinch their cheeks.
A three-season deal
with Showtime.
Have Charo promise
not to perform the
national anthem.
… silver and black goes with everything.
The 1812 Overture.
Or Enya.
It depends.
BAG BOY
Turn up this unbearable heat, turn off their hotel air conditioners.
They start releasing last year’s game tapes.
Oh the humanity.
For one weekend only, the city’s water department switches from tap water to Cristal.
… the world is ending.
I sit next to Whizzer so I crank Spinal Tap’s “Big Bottom.”
