Last week the CTA announced that train riders who use their “smart” cards will have their own express lanes, allowing them to hustle on past those using “not-smart” fare cards or, even worse, cash. Well, the Tempo Subcommittee on Public Transit Perks would like to see more rewards for the agency’s frequent travelers. Such as:
– Membership in the CTA Smart Book Club, with organized discussions of “The Kite Runner,” “The Da Vinci Code,” the Bible and other popular commuter books.
– Admission to a no-Cubs-fan car on the Red Line on game days.
– One free techno remix CD of your favorite CTA messages, including “We are experiencing a delay . . . we expect to be moving shortly” and “North and Clybourn is next. Doors open on the right at North and Clybourn.”
– During winter, standing-room-only tickets for the three spots on the platform under the heat lamp.
– If you miss your connecting bus/train be-cause the first one was late, you get a coupon for a snack at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts.
– Red-carpet lounges on all subway and elevated platforms — or at least benches that aren’t caked in drool.
– Permission once a week to do one of the following onboard: smoking, drinking or radio playing.
– The chance to hold the leash of the muzzled German shepherd during the daily security checks.
– Snack service for those who buy $100 smart cards; champagne for those who offer to bail out the CTA with, say, an extra $1,000.
– Each week, the chance to vote for favorite subway performers; the lowest vote-getter is then banned from ever performing again on public property.
– Onboard washrooms.
– Special pass to flash as you are charging toward a bus that is about to pull out so that the driver doesn’t simply smile at you, close the door and drive away.
