When the New York Yankees announced a new team-financed baseball stadium to be built just north of the current Yankee Stadium, the price tag sounded staggering:
$800 million.
But then you realize everything costs more in New York City.
Here are some of the details for the new park, which the team hopes to be using by the 2009 season:
– Capacity will be at least 50,800, or about 6,000 fewer seats than the current park. It could be expanded to about 54,000.
– Yankee Stadium, which opened in 1923 to a Babe Ruth home run, is the third-oldest park in use in the major leagues behind Boston’s Fenway Park (1912) and Wrigley Field (1914).
– The new park should resemble the current one, but it would have 50 to 60 suites, up from the current 18.
– According to Newsday, the city and state will commit more than $200 million to the project, with the city preparing to spend up to $130 million.
Now, the fun part. Here are a few ideas we’d like to see incorporated in the new building plans:
The Vault
It’s a huge money vault, like the one that Donald Duck’s uncle Scrooge McDuck had in the comic books. Constantly filled by a pipeline of incoming Yankees cash and coins, one side would be made of a thick Plexiglas. On Tuesdays, visitors can watch Yankees owner George Steinbrenner swimming in it from 10 to 11 a.m.
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays petting zoo
The Yankees payroll is around $200 million while Tampa Bay’s is a fraction of that, so the Rays could use the extra scratch. Come early and feed Aubrey Huff.
House of Wax
Before games, stop by and see the incredibly accurate wax statues of fired Yankees managers and all of Derek Jeter’s ex-girlfriends. Look at the dress on Mariah Carey!
VIP Health Club
And “health club” is in quotes. It has a bouncer and a red velvet rope. You get the idea.
In-Stadium Jail
Let’s face it: Yankees fans can get a little unruly. A state-of-the-art holding area will allow police to arrest, process and release offending fans back into the stadium for more unruly behavior without missing the game.
The Jeffrey Maier Fan Expo
A team of instructors will be hired to teach the next generation of little boys how to interfere with a ball in play during a crucial game. Top students at each game get placed at field-level seats and the bleachers.
Monument Park
The current Yankee Stadium features beautiful monuments honoring Yankee greats in the outfield. The new Yankee Stadium will feature beautiful monuments honoring the highest bidders on eBay.
Dugout trap doors
With one push of the button, team owners can fire the manager or cut a player. The manager’s chute tunnels right to the “Baseball Tonight” desk at ESPN; the players’ tunnel comes out at Columbus, Ohio.
George Costanza Memorial Statue
Face it, the “Seinfeld” character is how most of us know the Yankees. The life-sized statue is out front, and it depicts George sleeping under a desk. Bonus: Actor Jason Alexander stands next to it Mondays through Fridays. What else has he got to do?
Themed parking spots
Special “Pin-striped” spots are close, maybe in the actual stadium concourse. “Big Apple” spots are near the subway station. “Curt Schilling” spots are conveniently located just outside Newark.
Old-time barbershop
Get your hair cut just like the Yankees. And if you have facial hair or sideburns, well, say goodbye to those too.
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Edited by Chris Malcolm (ccmalcolm@tribune.com) and Michael Morgan (mnmorgan@tribune.com)
