The beloved, beer-guzzling cartoon dad Homer Simpson may have said it best in his toast to America’s most popular legal intoxicant: “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” Whether drinks are bringing luck or consolation to your summer, chances are you have a favorite. But which form of alcohol is hotter? Here’s the battle between booze’s fermented and distilled versions.
SWEET SUMMERTIME
Beer
Chad Johnson, Bungalow Lounge’s top-notch Manhattan mixer and the metromix-elected “Best Bartender” in Chicago, said summer means hot days spent at baseball games and at the lake, and both call for beer.
Spirits
Johnson said he likes his liquor–particularly bourbon–to work in the body the way anti-freeze does in a car: warming up the insides when it’s cold outside.
WINNER: Beer. Enjoy the heat while you can, and when it gets blistering, throw back a few cold brews.
LEADING LADIES
Beer
It’s hard to forget the Coors Light twins. The cheerleading duo has invited beer drinkers to parties in TV ads and entertained at real-life events.
Spirits
Whether they’re dancing in the streets of New Orleans at Mardi Gras or pouring shots at a Chicago bar, the Bacardi Girls are hard to miss.
WINNER: Spirits. It’s a close call, but all hail the Bacardi girls who seem to be everywhere.
WAIST WATCHER
Beer
A 12-ounce bottle of beer averages 150 calories, and a 12-ounce light beer has about 100 calories.
Spirits
Hard liquor weighs in with 70 calories per ounce on average.
WINNER: Beer. Not only are bottled drinks usually cheaper, you don’t have to jog as many miles in the humidity the morning after your night on the town to burn off the calories.
COMMERCIAL APPEAL
Beer
Miller Lite Girls Tonya Bollinger and Kitana Baker raised eyebrows and heartbeats in 2003 in a commercial that featured them ripping off each other’s clothes in a catfight.
Spirits
Last fall, Kahlua launched a sleek, $10 million TV advertising campaign that showed sexy women with a tiger cub and walking a leashed alligator.
WINNER: Beer. Kahlua gives being exotic a nice shot, but whether you laughed or got turned on by the female wrestlers, the Miller Lite commercial was more memorable.
OVERALL WINNER: Even though liquor puts up a good fight, it looks like the drink to beat the heat this summer is none other than an ice-cold beer.
