TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: why is one of you wearing a N.Y. Mets jersey?
TOPIC 2: if you attended one of ron artest’s nba summer league games, what would you do?
TOPIC 3: what do you think happens when Kenny Rogers makes his appeal to bud selig?
TOPIC 4: describe what it would be like having toni kukoc back on the bulls?
TOPIC 5: lance armstrong is surrounded by teammates. Who is the lance of this crew?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Arnie’s yellow feather boa was at the cleaners.
Seriously question what the hell I was doing with my life.
Fredo and Sonny kick the crap out of him.
It would be a reminder of the olden days, when Scottie Pippen came back and stole the Bulls’ money.
You mean, superstar athlete with rock star girlfriend? Whizzer.
PHIL THOMPSON
The Sox are winning right now, so somebody has to take over the inferiority complex.
If ever there was a camp that needed a counselor …
They deny his appeal, and for the first time, Kenny kills them. That bastard!
He and Andres Nocioni will give themselves new nicknames, “Koach and Noach.”
None. Lance is to the Tour what David Caruso is to “CSI,” minus the overacting.
LEO EBERSOLE
For the pity, and because the only other way to represent Queens is to roll around in filth.
Curl up into a tight ball and blow the “Danger” whistle.
Kenny: “You’re getting too close.” Bud: “I’m just shaking your hand.” Kenny: “I HATE YOU!”
It would be like having Arvydas Sabonis back on the Trail Blazers.
He wears yellow and loves Sheryl Crow, so it’s between Phil and Arnie.
WHIZZER
We said, “Wear loose-fitting clothing.” He heard, “Wear loser-befitting clothing.”
Eat, drink, be merry. No, wait, it’s the Minneapolis summer league? Just eat and drink then.
Mr. Selig abruptly wakes up from his nap and shouts, “More pudding!”
It’s like hitting on your high school sweetheart at the 25th reunion. And then meeting her husband.
Leo wears tight bike shorts around the office. I pick him– from a distance.
ARNIE RIVERA
Because my Kerry Wood jersey makes my shoulder stiffen up.
I’d have him sign my bottle of Prozac and then I’d throw it at him.
He’ll uphold the suspension, then add 20 games for blowing the Mets’ chances in ’99.
It would be like having John Starks back on the Knicks minus the twisted testicle.
Leo, and he already has his specialized bracelet: EAT LOTS.
