Always dreamed of a Hollywood career? Now it can be yours.
All it takes to get an hour-long drama off the ground these days is a few tweaks on the concepts behind the scads of existing crime/police/coroner/detective/legal shows. The flood of copycat cop/crime shows this fall (“Killer Instinct,” “Criminal Minds,” “Bones,” just to name a few) proves that point amply.
But if you don’t have time to rack your brain in order to create your own network drama idea, worry not! Use this handy create-a-crime-show chart to come up with something the networks willlove.
1. Choose a lead character:
– Tough-talking, tortured guy.
– Tough-talking, tortured gal.
– Tough-talking, sassy Southern gal (i.e., TNT’s “The Closer”).
– Math whiz (see CBS’ “Numbers”).
2. Choose a partner/sidekick/assistant cadaver-hoister:
– Earnest young woman.
– Attractive, earnest young woman.
– Attractive, earnest and plucky young woman.
– Hot, impulsive young guy.
3. Pick the boss’ main characteristics:
– Gruff.
– Gruff and tough.
– Gruff, tough and female (see “The Shield,” Season 4).
– Gruff, tough and minority (see “The Shield,” Seasons 1-3, to cite just one example).
4. Decide who the main characters are hunting for:
– Serial killer (“Killer Instinct,” “Criminal Minds”).
– Freaky, otherworldly hot young woman (WB’s “Supernatural”) who preys on men.
– Freaky pervs (see any of the “CSIs”).
5. Decide what kind of victim the lead bad guy/serial killer/normal-seeming dad is preying upon:
– Women.
– Young women.
– His own family (see CBS’ “Close to Home”).
– Young, hot women in scanty camisoles.
6. Choose a “quirk” for your lead character:
– Likes sweets (“The Closer”).
– Speaks in a monotone (Fox’s “Killer Instinct”).
– Has post-traumatic stress disorder (CBS’ “Criminal Minds”).
– Likes to travel with a skull in hand luggage (Fox’s “Bones”).
7. Will your plucky, wisecracking team nail the bad guy/serial murderer/witchy chick/murderous perv before the hour’s up?
– Yes, of course.
– Yes, but not before other women are murdered and/or locked in a cage and covered in bugs (“Killer Instinct”).
– Yes, and then we’ll get a judge to throw the book at him too (“Close to Home”).
– Yes, and then the victims will go have a chat with “Medium’s” Patricia Arquette or Jennifer Love Hewitt of “Ghost Whisperer.”
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moryan@tribune.com
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