TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: It’s time to grade Kyle Orton’s NFL debut.
TOPIC 2: How did the typical Bears fan react to Sunday’s loss?
TOPIC 3: The biggest news from Week 1 of the NFL season was …
TOPIC 4: Describe the size of the hit Big Ten football’s rep took this weekend.
TOPIC 5: What the heck is going on with the White Sox?
PHIL THOMPSON
The grade I would give most 54 percent passers: “Incomplete.”
Overreacted, I’m sure. The Skins are a top five defense, maybe top three, so everyone just relax.
Stomped by the Dolphins and Niners? Mike Shanahan and Mike Martz must be fresh out of genius.
Terrible blow. If conferences were TV shows, they’d be “Elimidate.”
They’re playing possum to set up a sucker punch later. Works on Leo, anyway.
LEO EBERSOLE
Better than Jonathan Quinn, worse than Rex Grossman.
Post-injury Rex Grossman.
Not with surprise, I hope, but if so, I know a guy who can pad your home’s walls on the cheap.
Steve Spurrier didn’t lose a game.
It was like the entire conference got shot out of a cannon and into Terry Bradshaw’s skull.
They can’t seem to beat the
Angels. I recommend spilling goat’s blood at the third new moon, but whatever.
WHIZZER
“A-/B+.” Wait, that was a false start. I say “B-.”
Ask Bag Boy. I bet he threw
something and then denies it.
Jessica and Nick are reportedly still married.
C’mon. Eight out of 11 won games, on the road and at home.
Forget the Big Three.
I blame The Rolling Stones. Why? Oh, like you don’t know.
EVIL SUPERCOMPUTER
Just crunched the numbers, and got “He’s no Craig Krenzel.”
Right about now is when Bears fans wish they could erase their memories.
It’s statistically impossible, but I think I picked a loser in every damn game.
My pal, the BCS computer, is still laughing. And he never laughs.
They’re distracted by the magic number. Once again, THE BINARY CODE RULES ALL!
BAG BOY
I liked him. He’s tough. I shouted at him on TV the whole game, and he never flinched.
Fired a brick through my TV. I mean, some fans may have fired bricks through their TVs.
That Saints’ field goal to win it. Congrats to them. Nice some teams can still do it.
Know that meteor from
“Deep Impact”? Like that.
Please, one Chicago sports crisis at a time. It’s getting hot in here.
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E-mail all five at redeyesports@tribune.com.
