From media reports and press releases, we do know a few things about “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” (7 p.m., WMAQ-Ch. 5). And for most of our information, we must rely on those kinds of sources, because an advance copy of the reality show was not made available before the program’s debut.
No less an authority than the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column reported the catchphrase that Stewart will use on her version of “The Apprentice.” You may not want to hear it yet, but if you’re dying to know what it is, go to the end of this column.
At any rate, Stewart said in a press release that “I won’t be `firing’ the candidates. I don’t like `firing’ people. . . . I’ve never even said, `You’re fired.'”
According to NBC, the show’s theme song will be the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams Are Made of This,” and the winner will get a $250,000 job with Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc.
The candidates on the show, 10 women and six men, will tackle “lifestyle”-oriented challenges; presumably the assigned tasks will reflect Stewart’s background as the queen of the glue gun, the garden and the arugula salad.
Stewart’s cohorts in the judging arena — and ejections will take place at a conference room at her company, or (more likely) a soundstage replication of same — are her daughter, Alexis, and Charles Koppelman, chairman of the board of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.
The candidates’ first task will involve updating the classic kids tale “Hansel and Gretel,” making it “relevant to the modern child.”
Hmmm, homemade baked goods, unsuspecting young folk and, according to one translation of “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” an “old woman” who “only pretended” to be kind.
That sounds pretty relevant already.
There are two big questions surrounding this venture: Will Stewart’s famously frosty persona work in the reality arena (Richard Branson and Mark Cuban are just two dynamic, compelling business executives who flopped on prime-time TV)? And is the public really clamoring for yet another version of “The Apprentice”?
At the very least, Stewart’s prime-time show should be able to smash the relatively weak competition on its premiere night. The “Destination Lost” recap that airs at 7 p.m. on WLS-Ch. 7 shouldn’t present much of a problem (after all, the show’s fans have already memorized “Lost’s” first season), and the two-hour season premiere of “America’s Next Top Model” (7 p.m., WPWR-Ch. 50) should merely attract that show’s relatively small but faithful audience.
Of course, the second hour of “Model” will no doubt be crushed by the much-anticipated second-season premiere of “Lost” ( 8 p.m., WLS-Ch. 7). Maybe, just maybe, we’ll find out what’s in that dang hatch already.
By the way, Stewart’s ejection phrase is, according to Page Six, “You just don’t fit in.” Meeeow!
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moryan@tribune.com
