TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You’re a Bears player. How did you spend Sunday?
TOPIC 2: What do you expect will happen at Monday’s White Sox rally downtown?
TOPIC 3: Any parting words for the 2005 Cubs and/or their fans?
TOPIC 4: What’s the first thing Bobby Knight’s son does when he takes over at Texas Tech in 2009?
TOPIC 5: Is there any way sports can help console the once-again-single Paris Hilton?
———-
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Get as far away from the NFL as possible, then start by watching last week’s Bears game.
Many people on their lunch hour seem puzzled and ask bystanders, “Isn’t the Cubs season over?”
Next time we see you, have a
leadoff man. Or don’t bother
coming home.
Googles “Joey Meyer” then puts his resume together.
Rename the French Open the Paris Open, which if you think about it really works on many levels.
PHIL THOMPSON
Looking at their surprising division lead and wondering what if … they didn’t have to play anymore.
They have to rally again? I thought they were past all that.
“Ashes to ashes,
Dusty to Dusty …”
Puts down a populist uprising with his army of electroprod-wielding cybernauts. I mean … beats Baylor?
The athletes can buy her book and upcoming album … and, well, you know.
LEO EBERSOLE
Befriending every unemployed kicker I know.
I expect Bobby Jenks to destroy all challengers in the pie-eating contest.
I hear Lou Piniella’s available and that he’s still in top
base-throwing shape.
He runs the give-and-go with Tech’s boosters.
What she needs is a good hug. From a blitzing Mike Brown.
WHIZZER
Having the team doctor fully inoculate me for the Oct. 9 visit
to Cleveland.
Macy’s renames Marshall Field’s “U.S. Cellular Field.”
Rallygoers revolt.
Forget the past. Put ’05 behind you and focus on finding new ways to underachieve in 2006.
Hires his dad as an assistant. And then fires him.
NHL starts this week. Lots of good-looking rich guys with monstrous amounts of fresh ice.
BAG BOY
Failing to pick up the blitzing paperboy.
I get asked to remove the bag a dozen times. My reply,
“Win a Series, then we’ll talk.”
I had a few, but the RedEye sports editor said they were unprintable.
Ban recording devices from the locker room. Bring one and you will run like you will not believe.
Hook her up with David Beckham. Then send both to the moon.
———-
E-mail us redeyesports@tribune.com.
