1. Trivial pursuits
Hundreds of Harry Potter fans gathered in Massachusetts for a series of college-style lectures about all things Potter. Not to be outdone, “Star Wars” fans gathered to debate the existence of the human female.
2. Papa don’t preach
I don’t know what’s more impressive, that “7th Heaven” has aired 200 episodes or that I’ve managed to avoid every single one.
3. Two tickets to paradise
Someone in Hollywood is working on a movie version of “Paradise Lost.” That strange noise you just heard was thousands of high school English teachers wetting themselves.
4. Convince me
Would it be insensitive to wear fur just so PETA people throw pies at me? That’s wrong, right?
5. You will listen
Oasis’ Noel Gallagher tries to get Americans interested in the band’s music again using an old Jedi mind trick. It fails.
6. Sealed with a kiss
Eminem’s releasing a greatest hits album, the perfect gift for Mom this Christmas.
7. You heard it here first
Gamblers have pegged Michael, Matthew and Ethan as the most likely boy baby names for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and Emily, Emma and Madison if it’s a girl. I’m going with Maverick and Joey.
8. Time to panic
A new survey finds that teen boys and young men, typically the most loyal moviegoers, watched fewer films in theaters this summer. Hollywood has flown Jessica Alba and Paris Hilton in for emergency talks.
9. Call now
Bad weather scrapped Martha Stewart’s plans to ride a giant pumpkin on a lake over the weekend. If this means something to you, please seek professional help.
