Autumn is upon us, and as the leaves begin to change color, so, too, does the color of Bag Boy’s face when a Chicago team loses. E-mail the gang at redeyesports@tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: WHAT ADVANTAGE–IF ANY–DO THE SOX HOLD WHEN THE ALCS GOES TO ANAHEIM?
TOPIC 2: WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPY AND NEED A BOOST, WHAT DO YOU DO?
TOPIC 3: LEBRON JAMES HAS A STRAINED PECTORAL MUSCLE. HOW DO YOU INJURE A PECTORAL MUSCLE?
TOPIC 4: HOW WOULD YOU SPEND RONDE BARBER’S $30,000 FINE FOR PUNCHING AN NFL REF?
TOPIC 5: HOW BIG IS SATURDAY’S USC VS. ND FOOTBALL GAME?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Since the Sox are 5-15 against the Angels in the past 20 games, they get to start the off-season early.
MAMBO!
I recommend chest bumping with Pamela Anderson. When you try it, wear Velcro.
Treat myself to a coffee, a scone and $29,997 worth of gold bullion.
Michael, it’s bigger than U.S. Steel.
LEO EBERSOLE
Being from here, they’ll know how to spot bad sushi. Yeah, I said it.
I typically get a cup of coffee and pour it down Bag Boy’s pants.
Lifting the briefcase full of gold bullion that Nike sends every week.
I’d hire that one really jacked ref–you know the one–to punch him right back.
It’s big for Notre Dame’s bank account, not big for its self-esteem.
WHIZZER
They don’t have to worry about leaving tickets at will call for Snow White and the little fellas.
I put an electrified collar on Jimmy and laugh and laugh and laugh.
Call it a horrible, horrible name, like “man boob.”
Get the ref something nice, something sparkly. Maybe a crystal whistle from Tiffany’s.
Bigger than Bears vs. Vikings, not as big as U.S. vs. Russia in the 1980 Olympics.
EVIL SUPERCOMPUTER
They’ll be far, far away from Chicago if they lose. Hold those angry e-mails; I said “if.”
EVIL SUPERCOMPUTER IS IDLE AT THIS TIME.
No idea. Now straining an electrical socket is easy. Always use a power strip.
My cousin’s an ATM, so I accessed the NFL account and spent it already. Suckers.
Almost as big as M.I.T. vs. Cal Tech.
BAG BOY
They don’t have to read about me whining. Look, I admit. I whine. I’m human.
Same as the Bears. I punt.
When you’re asked to carry an entire team, something’s gotta give.
Sensitivity training for Barber. It works. I speak from experience. Somebody hug me.
Very big. Somewhere on that field lies the next Bears’ disappointing draft pick.
