Most people I know have cheated, been cheated on, covered for a friend or family member cheating, or struck up a relationship with a cheating spouse.
In other words, there’s a whole lot of cheating going on.
Let’s define cheating, because some of us have convenient definitions. You’re cheating if you have an intimate involvement with a person outside of your primary relationship, whether it’s physical, emotional or online.
If you’re still confused, the litmus test is if you can imagine your significant other knowing every salacious detail about an external relationship and/or walking in during a “moment” without crying, screaming, threatening to break up or setting your bed on fire.
If you think it would be a deal-breaker, it’s probably cheating.
Casual conversations indicate that cheating is expected in society. In the past week, I’ve overhead the following exchanges in public places:
“I heard Dave is fooling around with Cindy, the bartender at XXX.”
“Wait a minute! Isn’t Dave married to Susan?”
“Yeah … but THAT doesn’t mean anything.”
and …
“I met a guy yesterday. He’s really cute!”
“No girlfriend?”
“I think so, but if he doesn’t care, neither do I.”
I don’t get it. If you’re in an unhappy relationship, either try to work it out or break up. Why cheat? And what happened to monogamy?
A married friend recently told me she believes that cheating is a realistic part of a relationship–even a happy one. She said the cheated-on partner shouldn’t take their significant other’s infidelity personally.
I don’t think it’s that simple. I’m not comfortable being in a relationship with a cheater, and if it happens, it’s hard to avoid comparing yourself to the other man/woman. Is he more attractive? Is she prettier? Does he make more money? Does she have a better body?
However, there is evidence that cheaters are getting their due. A few years ago, a reality show was created to expose the unfaithful and put an end to infidelity. Appropriately titled “Cheaters,” the show is damned entertaining in a sad way. You can catch it Thursday mornings on WCIU-Ch. 26.
Each episode of “Cheaters” begins with a person telling a heartfelt story of love and pain. They want to know whether the significant other is stepping out. The “Cheaters” crew takes over and leads a full-scale investigation, including surveillance, phone-tapping and videotaping. When the team has gathered enough cheating evidence–which usually contains at least one picture or video of a sex act–the sadistic host rubs it in the face of the lovesick victim before encouraging an immediate confrontation.
The confrontation is like a perfectly timed episode of “COPS.” The “Cheaters” team swoops in like a SWAT team when the secret lovers are together. The busted philanderer either tries to assault the host or flee from the cameramen.
This is where it gets very Jerry Springer-like. The victim is crying and insulting the other man/woman; the crew is hunting down the cheater; and the other person is hiding his/her face. After calming the cheater–and getting a release form signed–the host demands an answer to the question everyone is asking. Why?
The answers are rarely satisfying. Most of the busted cheaters I’ve seen, which is more than I care to admit, can’t articulate good reasons. The majority beg for forgiveness. The shows end with follow-up interviews that indicate at least some of the couples manage to get back together.
I remain optimistic that monogamy exists and that those who are dedicated to it will find it. I guess there is a place in this world for the unfaithful. I don’t want to date them, but I’m happy to be entertained by them on “Cheaters.”
