1. Glorious day
All right, everyone, we’re hosting a World Series this weekend. Set out your finest chewing tobacco and try your best to educate your Cubs-fan friends.
2. Earth day
The Goo Goo Dolls say they’ve almost finished their eighth album, which we can only hope will be 100 percent recyclable.
3. There’s been a mistake
Kermit the Frog visited the town of Kermit, Texas, to kick off the celebration of his 50th birthday. Things got off to a bumpy start when the locals threw Miss Piggy on the grill.
4. Celebrate good times
In honor of the naming of a new James Bond, I am drinking heavily and hanging out with the worst actresses I know.
5. It’s for me
“With all due respect, dear, hands off the mic.”
6. What? It’s true
“Domino” flopped at the box office last weekend. Not a big shock. America got over its bounty-hunter craze after the fifth “Star Wars” movie.
7. Oh, lordy
Sylvester Stallone’s already doing a sixth “Rocky” movie, but now there are rumors he’s bringing back “Rambo” too. Pretty soon he’ll have to cave in to popular demand for “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot 2.”
8. Keep the peace
It’s hard to imagine the Sox not winning a championship–they’re playing with unbelievable confidence. But please, folks, let’s promise right here and now to save the rioting for Britney Spears’ next album release.
9. Head-scratcher
Steven Spielberg and Electronic Arts are teaming up to make three original video games. How come he hasn’t asked Tom Cruise to help? Tom’s pretty good at creating alternate realities.
