TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: HOW DO YOU PLAN TO GET INTO THE WORLD SERIES?
TOPIC 2: WHAT INDIVIDUAL GETS THE MOST CREDIT FOR GETTING THE SOX TO THE World Series AND WHY?
TOPIC 3: HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF DANICA PATRICK POKED YOU IN THE FOREHEAD?
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE ONE WAY TO GET DISQUALIFIED FROM FIVE ON FIVE?
TOPIC 5: WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE OF THE BELOW .500 IST-PLACE BEARS?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Blimp jumping.
Kenny Williams. Every move–and non-move–turned out to be
genius.
I’d never wash my forehead again.
Publicly say, “Oh, I hope the Sox win because I’m a Chicago fan!”
This is the time to petition Webster’s to include “Jerry Angelo” as a synonym for “mediocre.”
LEO EBERSOLE
I’ll disguise myself as Matt Clement and be rushed to the field to pitch batting practice for the Sox.
Ken Williams hired the right manager and gave him great players. But in my heart, I know it was Hawk. Hee-YES!
I’d either swoon or sue for millions. Maybe both.
Making any mention of the
Blackhawks without being asked.
They’re on a magical rocket ship to 7-9.
WHIZZER
I know a guy. Let’s just call him “A.J. Pierzynski.” I’ve said too much already.
The incomparable Nancy Faust. She tickles the ivories, and my belly, like no other woman can.
She wouldn’t dare. Not with the restraining order in place.
Drop your ball into the wrong hole.
The last time I was this excited was when I discovered day-old tuna in the fridge. Yippee.
Evil Supercomputer
I’m stringing for Stats Inc. Funny, that’s how I got into this business in the first place.
Paul Konerko. He’s playing like he’s not human, and I don’t think he is.
Oh, mercy. My circuit board would short.
Leak classified CIA information to the media.
Hmm, this is odd. According to my calculations, they’ve been eliminated AND they’ve clinched.
BAG BOY
Well, people know me. I’m kind of a big deal. And I’ve got two grand to burn.
Mr. Doug Eddings. Thanks, Dougie! Keep up the good work!
Grab her, kiss her, then run like hell.
Get caught with your pants down and your bag off.
If they win the division at 6-10, my dream of being overjoyed and bitter at the same time will fulfilled.
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E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com.
