1. Yaaaaaar
Pirates tried to hijack a luxury cruise liner off the coast of Somalia on Saturday. It’s the boldest pirate-led assault I’ve heard of since a fateful trip to Long John Silver’s.
2. Real danger
The chilling thing about this attack is that it proves that pirates don’t just hang out at Disney attractions and adult bookstores.
3. Buy it for life
Kenny Chesney’s new album comes out Tuesday. His lawyers have prepared an air-tight return policy.
4. For my next trick
Someone tell Harry Potter the movie is done and he doesn’t have to dress like a magician anymore.
5. Below the belt
Awards show blogger Tom O’Neil predicts “King Kong” will win the best picture Oscar this year. Better sign up Luciano Pavarotti as a seat-filler, just in case.
6. Hit the snooze
Wow, a live presidential debate on “The West Wing,” now available in the sleep-aid section of your local drugstore.
7. Eee-vil
Plans are in the works for a third “Resident Evil” movie. This one will be set in Paris … Hilton’s home.
8. Moving out
Donald Trump’s company has agreed to sell its casino and hotel in Gary. Suddenly Gary seems like a much more livable place.
9. Getting desperate
Look for Eva Longoria to host “Saturday Night Live” in two weeks. Right now the odds favor two outfit changes for every laugh, but that could change as we move closer to game time.
